You’re getting married! You’ve got a thousand things on your mind- location, food, dresses, cakes, rings, flowers- and you have to choose your bridal party. That’s right, your nearest and dearest who will surround you and your betrothed on your big day. So, where you do start?

The wedding party consists of the maid (or matron) of honor, best man, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl, ring bearer and pages.

Begin reviewing and selecting your aspirants as soon as you can, so no one is left wondering if they will be a part of the action.

How many should you choose? The more formal the wedding, the more attendants are expected. The simpler the wedding, the fewer the attendants. The general rule of thumb is that you will need one bridesmaid and one groomsman for every 50 guests in attendance. This, however, is more specific to ushers and groomsmen who will be seating the guests. One usher can comfortably seat 50 guests.

It doesn’t make sense to include or exclude someone simply for the sake of symmetry, so if the party isn’t completely balanced, don’t fret. Simply include those who you want as an integral part of your wedding.

Consider the calendar and travel availability, the financial burdens of attire, transportation, lodging and gifts for your candidates. Also think about your own financial burden of providing bouquets, corsages, boutonnieres and gifts for each of your helpers.

It’s OK to have mixed gender attendants. Brothers or guy friends are stepping up to aid as men of honor and sisters or girl friends are helping out as best women.

You are not required to reciprocate a bridesmaid duty. If you were someone else’s maid, that’s great, but choose yours according to your heart and the situation.

New rules arise with family matters. If you or your fiance have siblings, these are almost a must. They will be sitting across from you at the Thanksgiving table years after you’ve lost touch with your college buddies. Not including family members makes a lasting statement, and not a good one.

The flower girl or child should be 3 to 8 years-old and will walk before the bride scattering petals.

Ring Bearer is a boy aged 4 to 8 that will walk just before the flower girl and carry decorative pillow with rings tied to it (usually fake rings to avoid losing them).

Pages or “train bearers” are boys ages 6 to 9 who carry the bride’s extra long train.

Can’t include everyone? Ask your friends or family to read a special passage at the ceremony, present a toast at the reception or keep track of guestbook. These tasks might seem lame, but they are important to your day and should be done by someone you trust.

Choose who you want, finalize your list with their acceptance, and put it behind you. You have enough to worry about as you plan your wedding. If anyone complains or asks about your selection, it is none of their business. It is your day to surround yourself with those you cherish and trust most.

Be a kind, aware and sensitive bride or groom. It will help you get the assistance you need in a fair and gracious way.