For the sake of logistics, let’s take a moment and create a formula for numb-skulled movie executives to follow in future endeavors. If “A” (the first “The Transporter”) is parallel with component “X” (crap), two conclusions can be made about “B” (“The Transporter 2”): 1) The thin plot of “A” will not withstand the larger piles of “X” concocted in “B,” thus imploding component “Z” (the studio’s credibility) altogether, or 2) director Louis Leterrier is a cinematic genius, turning the ill-fated plot of “B” into a tangible action film. Leterrier has “X” coming out his ears, so option two is therefore impossible.

Conclusion: “The Transporter 2” is a pile of crap.

It is shocking that “Snatch” actor Jason Statham could not learn from his mistakes after the first “Transporter,” and make a second — even worse — full-length Audi commercial about bio-terrorism and anorexic, blonde exhibitionists with sadist tendencies.

Deciding to get revenge on some Colombian drug lords after they kidnapped a boy for whom he was responsible, Statham decides to open up on some unsuspecting stuntmen.

Along his way, Statham drives through Excrementopia, a land where applied physics cease to exist and slingshotting your car into metal support beams won’t mess with your Audi’s paint job.

The plot and character development are translucent enough to see the conspiring “interest analysts” deciding it’s a good idea to throw in 8-year-old Hunter Clary as a human interest angle to soften the blow of its stylized violence.

Little Hunter’s mother, however, is also let loose on the set, drunk and seeking the attention of a dark, mysterious man like Statham. With phrases such as, “You appreciate me more than my husband,” component “X” starts to push at the seams, leaving a stink of campy drama under the audience’s nose.

This movie is riddled with more plot holes than bullet holes — many of which are drastic imbalances to the flow of the story rather than small oversights and leave people asking, “Well, how did that happen?” or, “Where did that come from?”

The latter question is usually in response to the ultra-unbelievable driving, fighting and staying power of Statham’s character. Not only can he maneuver his car so that it knocks a car bomb from its belly with a suspended crane, he is able to survive a Leer jet taking a 20,000-foot dive into the Atlantic and still have the presence of mind to secure a “vaccine” to a deadly pathogen.

After having ignored “The Transporter’s” money-losing legacy, the theory that the film’s producers are greedy has been confirmed with the production of “Transporter 2.”

REVIEW: 1/5

“The Transporter 2”

20th Century Fox

Director: Louis Leterrier

Starring: Jason Statham, Amber Valletta, François Beréland

Length: 88 minutes

MPAA Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of violent action, sexual content, partial nudity and brief language