Is your self-esteem not low enough these days? Step into the lion’s den, aka the beauty shop, where any and all hairstyles, body parts and opinions are not safe against the swift cynicism of its employees.

If you didn’t have enough regurgitated racial bickering with the first two “Barbershop” films, the newest feminine twist — “Beauty Shop” — will satisfy your inner Mr. Hyde.

Queen Latifah plays Gina, an expert hair stylist who works under the tyranny of the faux-Euro Jorge Christophe, played by Kevin Bacon.

Latifah finally has enough and heads out to open her own shop, taking her conditioner and her Southern ditz, played by Alicia Silverstone.

The dynamics of this film — or lack thereof — are gratuitous, shameless and unoriginal to the point of angering even the most thick skinned of movie-goers.

Let’s begin with the most basic of the film’s atrocities: First, what the hell is Kevin Bacon doing? His career has been jeered at out of humor, but now he has dug his own grave and thrown himself in it when he decided to play the ultra-metrosexual Jorge — a comparable Medusa with highlights.

Even once-respectable actress Andie MacDowell lowers her standards by playing the desperate housewife who ends up shaking her “ghetto ass.”

Second, the film is absent of what every film needs: plot! An enduring and captivating conflict! Where are these most elemental ingredients of even Hollywood’s standards?

Each scene rambles on amidst racial hypocrisy with the flow of a made-for-TV movie and convenient commercial breakpoints for when it hits UPN. Just about the only thing in this film that hints at some sort of talent are the showcased hairdos.

The entire film lacks any sort of luster, real acting and any original humor — instead being filled with a self-righteous, MTV-Vibe persona of the shop’s assumed yet bitter “sisterhood” of hair stylists. And not only are there stereotypes for just about everyone, they are actually drawn out and depended upon to make the film longer than 15 minutes.

Filled with some mediocre stuffing and taped up with tangential plot lines, this movie is packaged and ready to be shipped to the back shelves at video stores where its only increasing profits will be the gathering dust.