There is only one sure sign students are flocking back to Ames in droves for the beginning of fall classes, and it’s not how long the lines at the bookstore are (although a wait of 15 minutes or more is typical these days). It’s not the number of people crowding Welch Avenue on the weekends or waiting in line at the gyro stand, either.

It’s the horrible driving conditions one must endure while driving anywhere at any time while school is in session.

From what I’ve witnessed while watching the onslaught of student returnees, students’ vehicles are simply the most mischievous, unruly brats in need of either a few driving lessons or anger management classes. They drift aimlessly between lanes and forget to use the turn signals they were originally equipped with to let other drivers know they will soon be slamming on their brakes and skidding around the next corner — or maybe a corner three blocks down.

These cars also prefer to park themselves willy-nilly along the street and in parking lots, making it impossible to either get out of the space you were in or find one to park in at all — unless your car, too, is of this breed, in which case your car will park on the lawn or simply park in someone else’s spot.

However, even with most students gone, this summer has seen its share of ruckuses and incidences concerning student-owned cars, and in most cases their owners, too.

Students who live in University Family Housing have recently resolved their conflict with the university over separate, higher fees to park their cars in the lots near their homes. When the Department of Public Safety took over responsibility for the parking lots, they also separated the parking fees for student vehicles so they could directly collect them. But when students saw this “new” charge on their bill and hadn’t been officially notified of the changes, university officials were bombarded with accusations of lying to and stealing from students. After a heated meeting, it was decided students will only have to pay the old fee to park their cars in UFH lots this year since. At the same meeting, students also pointed out the university’s apparent lack of simple accounting skills — the old parking fee had been left in their rent payment on top of the separate fee.

Also recently, a few ISU football players have been arrested for drunken driving. It’s no surprise, since our athletics program seems to be filled with males who enjoy showing off their machismo in not-so-productive ways, like constantly making headlines in the Daily for being miscreants and/or womanizers. However, the athletics department seems to be taking harsher measures against these sort of offenders — both Cris Love and Hiawatha Rutland were suspended for the season opening game against UNI. Also, Love may be a benchwarmer all season, and Rutland was demoted from his position as co-captain of the team.

A side note: I haven’t seen a single female athlete arrested the entire time I’ve been going to school here. Correct me if I’m wrong, but this must mean they care a little bit more about their game and a little bit less about their image. Perhaps our male athletes should follow their example.

But the most shocking thing of all to happen this summer to the entire student body was the university’s decision to kick students out of all lots close to the stadium for tailgating during football games — unless they become a National Cyclone Club member, of course. Now alumni and other members of the Cyclone Club get to park in the lots previously reserved for general public parking, where students used to hang out before games, cook some food, drink some beers and rally school spirit. And in the grand tradition of all American administrations, the university passed this decision while its citizens, the students, either wouldn’t be around to complain or wouldn’t be paying attention.

Thanks to the efforts of the few students left in Ames, we have now received the “privilege” to park in lots closest to Iowa State Center on game days. But students should have the right to park their car in any old lot on a game day and tailgate, since we’re basically the ones paying for them. Should we really have to pay $100 to $500 to be a member of some club so we can park right next to the stadium where we belong?

But now that the summer is through and students’ cars are once again careening through the streets of Ames, we can only hope for another school year as exciting as the last. So what could possibly be in store for us? The men’s golf team sinking one of their golf carts into the depths of Lake LaVerne after a night of hard partying?