Clan in the front. How are all of the sport fans in the Story County area feeling?

I myself am having sport withdrawals. After the March Madness ceased, I had a sick feeling in my stomach. This means that I no longer have an excuse for the rest of the year to get intoxicated and listen to Dickie V. until all hours of the night.

Yes, ladies, I know this sounds like a fantasy, but trust me — this is as good as it gets for me.

The NCAA tourney has ended, and it ended as few would have suspected.

Instead of the little pudgy guy running the Blue Devils off of the court, it was the skinny Richard Hamilton who came to the rescue.

Speaking of the UCONN duo, rumor has it that the two are weighing their options and thinking about early entrance in the NBA draft. While these two were pondering the millions Steve Francis acted, the Maryland junior has declared himself eligible.

Three other talented underclassmen are pondering the jump: Blue Devils Elton Brand and William Avery and Bruin Baron Davis. While these players are deciding their futures, Scoonie Penn and Ed Cota did the right thing — they chose to stay in school (besides, who needs the millions of dollars and hundreds of lovely women that are associated with the NBA?).

Today is just a frickin’ rumor fest, the biggest possible rumor being Michael Jordan is looking for a return to the hard court. The rumor has been avoided by his agent. Another big rumor is that Jack Haley is on the verge of a comeback (oh, if only that one were true).

Isiah Rider is proving once again that he should have been named the Portland area man of the year. The Blazer guard has been suspended for the third time this year, losing more in game wages than I will see in approximately 17,246 lifetimes.

The Baltimore Orioles are looking to become a cheap imitation of the Yankees. The O’s will begin opening day ceremonies with their new free agent Albert Belle chasing little kids around Camden Yards in his sports utility vehicle, threatening to kill them.

The boldest prediction I have heard of the year just recently occurred. The person I was conversing with went out on a limb and said the Yankees were his Series favorites. My predictions for the year will go like this: Dodgers for the Series, Bonds for NL MVP and Griffey Jr. for AL MVP. Oh yeah, look for the “Rocket” to run out of fuel this year.

The man who was rumored to have “chilled” with Moses has appeared in Kansas City. That’s right, Warren Moon was recently interviewed for a quarterback position with the Chiefs.

When asked what he thought of the organization, he tried to respond, but the 723-year-old’s jaw fell off.

The Broncos are getting upset with John Elway, who has not said whether he would return to the NFL. This doesn’t matter for either club; look for Seattle to win the West with Mike “Benedict Arnold” Holmgren at the helms.

Larry Eustachy has been making some intriguing moves recently, cutting Rodney Hampton from the team and allowing Paris Corner to follow.

The Clones need a shooting threat for Fizer and, in my opinion, Corner may have been the man. Nurse is a stud, but the team needs one more shooter. More PT for Corner would have meant more victories, but no PT equals no Paris.

The last rumor of the column had me at the training grounds of the man known as Big Chop’s. The sprinter has not only got his sights on next year’s track rosters but also on Olympic Gold. He has an unhealthy, thin look to him right now, but after the weight gain program he is on, anything is possible.

I am going to write nothing else on pro wrestling, on the advice of a peer. With that, if you would like me to write on anything or give you any shout outs, get ahold of me. I would put in my phone number, but I would probably end up crying when no one calls. This one goes out to Triple Threat Sportshow and the boys that were down since day one.

---

Brett Noble is a freshman in journalism and mass communication from Ankeny.