“College Hoops ’99”

Nintendo 64

Of the entourage of video games released by Nintendo during the past six months, FOX College Hoops 1999 is unarguably one of the worst. “College Hoops” lowers Nintendo’s standards, and is a complete waste of $45.

It is a shame that the same company that brought you the No. 1 game of 1998, “James Bond: Goldeneye,” would stoop low enough to try to pawn a game of this stature to its loyal players.

The game is frustrating from the jump ball. Players’ movements are jerky and hard to control, reminiscent of NBA Live ’89 for the original Nintendo. Ten years later, it seems some improvements should have been made.

The game’s graphics aren’t much better, with the players consisting of big rectangles and boxes. Heads shaped like perfectly symmetrical cubes are humorous, knocking the game’s credibility to a day of “Zelda” graphics.

Adding even more to the game’s humor is the fact that even at its fastest, playing “Hoops” is like watching slow motion instant replays.

Passes and shots travel through the air at a snail’s pace. Jumpshots from the players develop very slowly – so slowly that while the player is shooting, you have time to look at the screen, look down at the controller, look at your friends, and then burst into fits of laughter as all of you say, “this game sucks!”

Passing the ball to the open man down the court is all but impossible. The game’s default passing automatically passes the ball to the nearest player, not the open player.

Don’t worry about getting the ball stolen, though. Stealing the ball is, again, all but impossible in “Hoops.” When trying to steal the ball, the defensive player comes to a complete stop, plants both feet, and takes a slow swipe at the player who has just walked around the attempted steal.

Probably the most humorous aspect of “FOX College Hoops 1999” is the names of the players. Since college sports games are unable to show the real names of the players, most college sports games simply leave out the players’ names.

But not our ingenious programmers at FOX Sports. “Hoops” sports made up names for each player, leaving you asking “why?”

“FOX College Hoops” does have a couple of good things going for it, however. First of all, the programmers managed to make the game in color. Way to go, guys.

The game does have an excellent statistical scoreboard, however, with full box scores that are shown between quarters.

Nintendo 64 or not, “College Hoops 1999” proves to be good for not much more than a good laugh.

1 star out of five

– Sam Johnson