For student parents the struggle is real
October 21, 2015
Before 8 a.m. lectures started, Kristen Wall dressed and fed three children, sent two of them to school, took one to daycare and caught a bus to campus.
Wall, 32-year-old junior in biology, is one of 36,001 ISU students this year. She’s also one of the 26 percent of college students in the United States who are juggling being a parent and going to school, according to a study by the Institute for Women’s Policy Research.
“It’s not really common to have a parent that’s a student — an undergrad especially — at a university,” Wall said. “I always had it in my head that if you have kids, you can’t go to a university, you’re stuck at a community college.”
Wall, who graduated from Ames High School, moved to Tennessee after high school for a change of scenery. Without anyone in her family pressuring her to get an education, Wall didn’t think of college as a priority.
Wall got married, had two sons and spent seven years as a homemaker before her world was uprooted; her husband left, and she was suddenly a single mother with no earning potential.
“When he left, it made me realize that nothing is guaranteed,” Wall said. “The only thing I can guarantee is what I do for myself. I can’t depend or rely on anybody else.”
Wall knew then that she had to go back to school.
Bralen Berry, 22-year-old senior in aerospace engineering, had a similar epiphany as a single father.
Berry was a senior in high school when he found out that his then-girlfriend was pregnant.
“I thought, ‘My life’s over,’” Berry said. “’My mom is going to kill me.’”
As an African-American teenager, Berry said he felt like he was a statistic and that made him angry.
Until he found out that he was going to be a father, Berry had not planned on going to college.
“I don’t want to struggle the rest of my life and not give [my daughter] what she wants,” Berry said. “I decided I’m going to school.”
Berry enrolled at Iowa State immediately after high school. During his first semester, his daughter Isabel was born. The daycares in Ames were already full, and Berry had to miss a lot of class to care for her. He failed out.
Berry took a year off school and moved out of state with Isabel and her mother, getting a physically demanding job at UPS.
“I realized, ‘Wow, I don’t want to do this for the rest of my life,’” Berry said.
Berry was struggling to get along with his daughter’s mother. The stress of being in a job and relationship that made him unhappy was making him impatient and irritable.
“I didn’t like the person I was becoming,” Berry said.
Berry moved back to Iowa in summer 2013 and enrolled at Des Moines Area Community College. After getting an A in calculus that semester, Berry knew he was ready to come back to Iowa State and get back to work.
For Kelsie Linderblood, college was always part of the plan.
Linderblood, 26-year-old senior in biology, was enrolled at DMACC immediately after high school when she found out she was pregnant. She withdrew from DMACC to move to Georgia, where her boyfriend Adam was stationed with the U.S. Navy.
Linderblood and Adam got married and eventually had two more children. When Adam got out of the Navy in 2009, the couple moved back to Ames with an agreement that they would take turns going to college and supporting their family.
Adam got two degrees in three years at Iowa State while Linderblood supported the family by working at grocery stores and doing registration work at local hospitals.
“I had this overwhelming sense that I wasn’t helping anybody [at the grocery store],” Linderblood said. “[I felt that] if I stopped showing up for work, it wouldn’t be a big deal.”
For two summers, Linderblood took one class at a time at DMACC to start easing back into life as a student. Reflecting on her time spent working in local hospitals, Linderblood knew she wanted to be a doctor.
Coming back to Iowa State as full-time undergraduates was not the happy ending for Wall, Berry or Linderblood.
“The expectations are so much different,” Wall said. “It’s harder to really succeed at a four-year university.”
According to the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, 33 percent of student parents obtain a four-year degree within six years of enrollment. More than 50 percent of student parents surveyed said they spent at least 30 hours per week caring for their children, which significantly decreased the amount of time they could devote to school work.
“With college, you take a lot home with you,” Wall said. “The hardest part for me is keeping up with stuff outside of class.”
Wall, who is now remarried and has had a third child, often waits to do homework when her children are asleep or when her husband is home to play “referee.”
Linderblood said she relies on help from her husband and their supportive network of family in the area to give her the time she needs to attend class and do homework.
“Sometimes I just have to miss class and make up for it,” Linderblood said.
For Berry, friends and roommates have offered to watch his daughter so he can study for a test or make it to class.
When babysitters and daycare fall through, Wall and Linderblood have had to bring their children to class.
“I’ve had to bring them to large lectures with me,” Wall said, “They almost go unnoticed.”
Each of the student parents said they try to let their professors know when they’re experiencing issues.
“Most of them will say, ‘We understand that life happens,’” Wall said.
Berry said many of his professors have children themselves, so they understand the challenges.
“It’s just a lot of balancing,” Berry said, “I’m getting the hang of it.”
Despite the sleepless nights, hectic mornings and never-ending cycles of homework and laundry, the light is at the end of the tunnel for Berry, Linderblood and Wall.
While college and parenting has been a learning curve for the student parents, they’ve used the opportunity to teach their children a lesson about the value of an education.
“When you’re a teenager, it’s hard to understand how important college is,” Linderblood said.
Now she studies with her oldest daughter Alivia.
“We do homework side by side,” Linderblood said. “I think she’s building that view that education is really important.”
Wall and her husband, who’s a tow truck driver in Ames, have tried to encourage their kids to go to college as well.
“I try to involve them in everything I can as far as me being a student,” Wall said. “I also try to stress to them how hard it is the longer you wait.”
Although Berry hasn’t had the college talk with his 3-year-old yet, he says the topic is non-negotiable.
“She has no choice but to go to college,” Berry said. “She’ll see me graduate, you know. I think that will stick with her.”
While Berry, Linderblood and Wall prepare to walk across that stage and receive their degrees, they urge any parents who may be reconsidering college to take the plunge.
They suggest starting at a community college, where you can ease into the demands of student life, surrounding yourself with supportive people and positive influences and researching all of the resources available to you.
If you or someone you know is interested in going back to school, University Community Childcare in University Village can answer questions about daycare services on campus and how to manage the cost. Students can also contact the group Iowa State University Parents As Students Support on Facebook with questions or concerns.