Does this person know he’s staring at that girl’s cleavage?

Guys, be smart. I don’t understand how hard it can be to avert your eyes at least every couple seconds. Don’t make it too obvious because you look like a creep. But if you honestly don’t care what people and/or the girl think, kudos to you and stare away.

If you want me to call you, please don’t tip a buck 55.

This is so very important. Nothing bothers me more than receiving a phone number accompanying a tip too small to purchase a bus ride. If you want to impress a guy or a girl server, woo us with money. Tip money is important to us and, in most cases, all that we want.

It’s seriously so warm in the bathroom, I never want to leave.

There’s some unspoken rule most restaurants seem to adopt that restricts the amount of heat to be produced. I’ll go ahead and apologize to those that have never been involved in food service, but I promise there isn’t much we servers can do about it. Management controls the heat. For us, it’s paws off the thermostat. Just keep in mind that we’re probably just as miserably chilly as you are.

Telling me you used to be a server too makes absolutely no impact on my day or how I’m going to serve you.

I’m not talking about the lighthearted conversation about previous employment, I’m talking about an in-your-face guest that seems to think a prior serving position means better personal service. Uh no. I don’t care that you were a bartender, I don’t care that you served in high school and I certainly don’t care that your significant other and/or friend is or has been either. Woop-dee-do.

Oh your drink seems weak? Let me kindly shove it somewhere for you.

In many restaurants, there’s a bartender who prepares any and all alcoholic drinks. Servers toddle on up to our computers, punch in the drink order and ta-dah, the tender makes the drink for us. We have no say in the ingredients and quantities involved in the drink, so don’t stare at me with accusation in your eyes because you’re not overwhelmed by the rum in your Captain and OJ. We place the order, get the drink and physically walk it a couple yards to your table. That’s it.

You need ranch? No problem. *goes and gets ranch* Oh, more napkins? I’m on it. *goes and gets more napkins* And now your water glass is empty. I appreciate you making me run all over. Really, it’s not like I could have accomplished all the requests in one go. Thanks.

If you’re dining in a restaurant, please make a list of things you do need and could need in the future. Then, as I come to your table, kindly relay that list and I’ll fetch all that your heart desires. Little is more annoying than making constant rounds about the restaurant, running all over to get you what you need now because you didn’t think of it the previous three times I was at your table.