Don’t haggle with me for deals

Really. Don’t. Asking for stronger drinks will mean you’ll get charged for more alcohol. I’m not about to steal from my place of employment, so you can get more Seagram’s in your seven and seven. It’s not worth losing my job.

I’m not going to give you a discount on group shots or drinks. “I’ll give you ten bucks for the five bottles. How about that?” Well, how about no? You order the alcohol and you pay for it accordingly.

Being obnoxious will not get you served any faster

If anything, I will try my best to politely tell you that I’ll help you shortly while mentally punching you in the nose. There’s a line for drinks, so you need to get in line and wait your turn. I promise you that snapping fingers, clapping hands and saying “hey, hey, hey … I need a drink” will get you nothing but nasty looks and a loss of respect.

With this, knowing my name won’t help you out. Like I said earlier, there’s a waiting list in every bartender’s head. We do our best to help people in the order they come up to the bar, so saying my name over and over again will not bump you up the list.

Be ready to order

Indecisive drinkers are the worst when a bar is busy. The bartender has to stand and wait for a decision and people waiting for a drink get annoyed. When in doubt of what you’d like, play it safe and order your favorite domestic or craft beer. Most places have liquor shelves and/or drink lists to help you make a decision before you breach the bar area.

Don’t pick out of the fruit tray, it’s not a buffet

The fruit isn’t for you to snack on. The fruit is to garnish drinks. Plain and simple. If you’ve got the munchies, order some chips or hit up McDonald’s.

Be ready to pay

Most bars require an immediate payment or a credit card ready to start a tab. Have your payment method ready … seriously. It’s incredibly annoying to have to stand and wait for someone to pull out three bucks from a stack of wadded bills.

“Ohhhh I think I’ll have a beer, please.” Oh, you don’t say.

If you come up to a bar and just say you would like a beer, you deserve to get slapped. There are often dozens of beer choices behind the bar and often those dozens of beer choices are featured right before your very eyes and/or on a beer list. Pick one. Be specific and fast.