Friendships require healthy boundaries, says Marty Martinez, staff psychologist for the Student Counseling Services.

Martinez said friendships work when there is equality. Through honoring, caring and being thoughtful toward a friend when you make decisions, you show respect and care for your friend. These are also signs of healthy friendship boundaries.

“Having healthy boundaries help you to see what level of sharing and trust to allow yourself to be with each particular friend,” Martinez said.

Martinez said boundaries vary depending on the level of friendship. It is when you trust someone too much, outside a healthy boundary, that you may get hurt.

“Trust is okay,” Martinez said. “Be careful not to go beyond boundaries.”

Martinez presented unhealthy friendships as a continuum – on one end, you may be at different places in your lives, so you do not connect. Or sometimes, friends can be on the other end, having a more negative effect.

“Good friends make us feel happy,” Martinez said. “Bad friendships make us feel bad.”

Martinez explained that individuals with low self-esteem often have an “unhealthy need to be treated poorly.” Also, a person may not be objective with a friend because he or she likes the person so much that they don’t see the negative.

If you feel like it’s time to let go of a friendship, Martinez said to “never feel like you have to make these important decisions alone.”

Ask close friends or family you trust, because they can point out if the friend in question is treating you unfairly or being manipulative.

“If your friend gives you a guilt trip for your decision, do not feel guilty,” Martinez said. “They’ve got their own issues.”

Martinez often sees young women connect with a partner through being a helper, thinking, ‘I can help them.’

“[It’s a] nice quality, but bad combination, to want to be a helper with a partner,” Martinez said.

A friendship or relationship is not equal when a person has two roles as a counselor and a partner.

Instead, Martinez says “they should be lifting you up as much as you’re lifting them up.”

Connection is essential to developing friendships.

“When we connect, we feel we’re carrying out one of our purposes,” Martinez said.

Reasons for friendships include similar interests or you may be in the same class.

“Friendships fulfill a wonderfully healthy need that we have,” Martinez said. “Friendships help us feel more content.”

Kathryn Maltry, senior in biology, said sometimes having friends in classes can be a distraction.

“There’s a time and place for friendship, and your priorities have to change depending on the situation,” Maltry said.

When Maltry was director of a production, she found it difficult to maintain control at times because friends wouldn’t pay attention or take directions seriously.

However, Maltry says “having a lot of friends is a positive thing.”

Nathan Legler, freshman in agricultural studies, agrees that friends can be a positive or negative influence.

“They can steer you in the right direction,” Legler said. “[Or] they can take you down with them, too.”

Legler said his friends are there for him if he’s in need of advice. When Legler was unsure of what to study in college, he was able to make decision after talking to a friend.

“You got to look at [the friendship] if it’s the best thing for you,” Legler said.

Ultimately, “be confident and assertive,” Martinez said. “Good friendships allow you to say no – friends should respect that.”