Something needs to be done about Iowa’s economy. The national economy is lurching slowly back to life, but we can’t exactly say the same for the Iowa economy. The national markets are looking up, but, as has been the trend during the past few decades, Iowa ranks well below the national average for weekly income and overall growth.

The average Iowa weekly wage ranked 40th in the nation, leaving the state with a $7,000 gap between it and the national average, according to The Des Moines Register. Iowa lost plenty of crucial manufacturing jobs during President Bush’s first term, and, barring any great miracles, we won’t be seeing any of those jobs coming back on the wings of angels any time soon.

I propose a solution to stimulate business here in growing country. I propose that Iowa farmers and businessmen aggressively strive to create a strong wine industry right here in Iowa.

Just think of it. The wine industry appeals to three of the greatest strengths Iowa has to offer: fertile land, experienced agriculturists and an ability to consume alcohol that is nothing short of impressive. The land is primed and ripe for agriculture. Iowa is a state of farmers, biologists, businessmen and connoisseurs of small business.

Iowans love to drink — probably having something to do with our state’s strong German ancestry. The agricultural infrastructure is already well established. All you need is some experienced wine growers and presto! You’ve got yourself a down-home wine boom.

It’s time to show the world that not only does Iowa make the best corn, soybeans and hogs, but it can also make a damn fine wine. We’ll be spurring Iowa business while making profitable small business products in America with American jobs. If nothing else, the profits from a vineyard certainly outweigh the legal costs of making crystal meth in an abandoned barn.

The best part is that the industry is already starting to grow here. In 1999, Iowa had only 13 wineries and five commercial vineyards. The interest has exploded here, and Iowa now boasts 236 commercial vineyards and 32 licensed wineries after only five years, according to The Des Moines Register.

Trained professionals from California and abroad are bringing their wine expertise to the expert farmers of Iowa and setting up shop right as we speak.

By the way, you’re not supporting Iowa vineyards by chugging bottle after bottle of Boone’s Farm; it’s made in California and has nothing to do with our beloved neighboring town.

Aside from the obvious growth potential, there is also another market incentive to produce American-made wine. Traditionally, wine was imported from the “best” regions to grow wine, typically the south of France and Italy. But the industry is changing, and small vineyards are making a big impact from far-off places like South Africa.

Wines are coming from all over the world, and the stranglehold the French and Italians once had on the market is dwindling. It is also no coincidence that French-bashing is “in” right now, so what better way to stick it to the frogs than to buy wine made from a vineyard in the Amana Colonies?

The only downside is the aura of class that comes from winemaking and wine-drinking. If Iowa does plunge headlong into the grape river, it runs the dangerous risk of being associated with tasting parties and pseudo-intellectuals loping around discussing cheeses and men worrying about what purse goes with what shoes.

As long as we still have home-grown Hawkeye vodka as a counter-balance, though, I think we’ll come out all right.

Cheers to the future!