It’s like clockwork. We can’t go very far without once again needlessly attacking the theory of evolution. Evolution and the classroom used to be about the legendary conflict between separation of church and state. The most recent controversy in Georgia, however, is more about parents and the extent of their influence over learning in the classroom than it is about evolution.

Unlike attacks in the past, this new attack on evolution is passive-aggressive. The Georgia state school superintendent is proposing to strike the word “evolution” from curriculums — to be replaced by the phase “biological changes over time.” And what is the proposed reason for this change?

The superintendent said several times that evolution was a “buzzword” and the proposed changes are supposed to benefit teachers in socially conservative areas of Georgia, where local parents are upset at evolution being taught at school.

Ever since its inclusion in science curriculums, the theory of evolution has been challenged by Christians in America. From the famous Scopes “Monkey Trial” in 1925 until the present, teachers have been challenged for teaching the controversial theory.

This time the theory of evolution itself is not in question. Evolution is still being taught in Georgia, and if the proposal goes through, it will continue to be taught in Georgia but under the new name.

It is clear the school board wishes to strike a compromise between parents who object to evolution being taught in schools and the science teachers themselves. However noble their intentions may be, this “solution” is nothing more than a bureaucratic change.

The real issue here is not the theory of evolution itself, but to what degree the local community can control statewide curriculums. Children in Atlanta shouldn’t have to learn a different evolution than the kids in Houston, just because school board politicians are afraid of parents in Savannah.

If all they want to do is change names, maybe now Georgia will actually change the name of the Civil War to “the War of Northern Aggression.” Slavery is still controversial as well. They could change that to “forced, unpaid employment.”

The point is, education cannot be subject to the whims of local communities. Our standardized education needs to be like a standardized language; there are dialects in the way you teach, but everyone can understand each another using the same terms.

Education does change, just as the information itself tends to change. But in order for students to get the most practical use out of their education, they must be able to communicate in the same terms of the rest of society. A scientist from Georgia shouldn’t learn to speak in euphemisms to a scientist from Iowa, just because parents’ groups in his state disagree about the naming of terms.

The events in Georgia are part of a larger problem between parents and local schools. It almost seems like school boards today wouldn’t be able to make any decisions for themselves without a pack of angry parents screaming at them. Each year thousands of books are banned, sexual education classes are stopped and extra-curricular activities die at the behest of parents’ groups. Even Darwin isn’t banned as frequently as Shakespeare or Mark Twain are.

It’s great there are active parents’ groups in the country that are keeping me safe from Bram Stoker. I think it’s a wonderful investment of their time and money. We need their protection; otherwise we might learn dirty words from Tom Sawyer. Plus, if we disagree with what an artist is saying, we could just change a few nouns and names to make it “safe for kids.”

Controlling education and the expression of artists are the privileges of all parents, right?

When the same people who ban Macbeth for witchcraft references decide that evolution is dangerous, the children suffer by never being allowed to make those moral judgments for themselves.

Parents who want a hand in their kids’ education should always remember that learning begins in the home.

While the Georgia school board sweats over what to call evolution in the classroom, two-thirds of all the fourth graders in America are reading below basic proficiency levels. Thankfully, most of the schoolchildren in Georgia will be unable to even read the nasty word “evolution,” let alone the phrase that is poised to take its place on the page.