Steelers, zombies and Braves . oh my

Jonathan Lowe

I know that Halloween is still two weeks away, but there’s some creepy stuff going on inside the sports realm. It’s enough to give anyone nightmares. I hope I still have my night light.

A Star is …

Something or Other

What do you think of when the name Terry Bradshaw comes to mind? Is it the hall-of-fame NFL career, including guiding the Pittsburgh Steelers to four Super Bowl wins? Maybe his career at Louisiana Tech, where he left with good enough numbers to be drafted number one in 1970?

It could make you think of his overbearing Southern-accented style that appears every week as an analyst for Fox’s football coverage.

Have you ever thought of screen legend when Bradshaw entered your brain? Nah, didn’t think so.

That’s not what the creative bigwigs in Hollywood thought when they gave the former quarterback a star on the Walk of Fame last week. One question. For WHAT?!?

His major credit roles in those Burt Reynolds movies during his heyday of the late `70s? Oh, oh, it’s got to be his magnificent pursuit of the ever popular dollar bill in his current 10-10-220 commercials with Mike Piazza, Doug Flutie and country singer Toby Keith. Right?

Maybe I’ve short-changed a man whose loudness of mouth exceeds his ability to play the game. Then again, you can be somewhat respected without being praised for your non-existent abilities.

Having a star on the Walk of Fame should say that someone has made a major impact on the entertainment industry.

Who knew long-distance phone calls could take someone so far?

I’m Seeing Logos

Ladies, if I may take over your minds for a second. It’s a cool, clear night. You’re out at Brookside Park, snuggling after enjoying a romantic picnic dinner with your squeeze. The moment of make-out time has come. You look into his eyes … and you notice something’s wrong.

As he closes in for the smooch, you take a closer examination and find out that he has his Oakland Raiders contacts in. You push him away, disgusted that he would flaunt his sports enthusiasm at this most precious moment. Jerk!

Think this couldn’t happen? You’ll be wrong very soon.

Coopervision, the makers of Crazy lenses, is shipping out NFL Crazy lenses to eye doctors this week. The new creation of Dr. Mitchell Cassel features a team’s logo surrounding the eye’s pupil.

That’s right, you can soon own the eyes of seven teams, including the Vikings and the Rams.

If you wait until next year, there’s a possibility of having any NFL team, including the expansion Houston Texans.

Go get your eyes checked today.

Give me a break.

The last thing I need to see is some superfan trippin’ me out with weird eyes that would work better in an old sci-fi movie. To me, painting someone’s body is all right. It’s even a little funny. But this is nuts.

I wonder what Kurt Warner or Randy Moss would say to a fan that approached them with these lenses.

Is it an image-breaker when a football player cowers in fear and surprise?

Maybe Hollywood will pick up on the possible new lens craze, since they already use the innovator’s custom lenses in their movies.

“From the depths of the dome to the still air of the stadiums, they’re coming for you. Beware, it’s `The attack of the zombie fanatics’.”

Absurd Predictions

This week, I’ll cover the Championship Series in Major League Baseball.

In the American League, the Yankees snuck in by the grace of God, while the Mariners were saved from humiliation.

Now the rematch of last year’s ALCS is back in action.

New York isn’t quite the same as they were the past few years and most of their staff has been hittable in the postseason. The Mariners have more hunger, as well as the fact that they aren’t the target this time around.

That reasoning (plus my complete dislike of the Yankees) gives this series to Seattle in six.

In the National League, the Diamondbacks have two of the top starters in the game today. The Braves have one top starter, two quality hurlers, and a pumped-up starter-turned-closer.

Advantage: Atlanta.

The Braves have ten years of experience. Arizona didn’t have a team a decade ago. Experience is said to win over talent.

Advantage: Atlanta.

“America’s Team” swept the Houston Astros away, while the D-Backs struggled to win a fifth-game classic against St. Louis. Rest heals. Jubilation fades.

Advantage: Atlanta.

With all of that, my pick goes to: Arizona.

Why? You gotta take the team that has a swimming pool inside the ballpark. Now that’s the sign of a winner.

Jonathan Lowe is a senior in meteorology from Kansas City, Mo.