A scrub by any other name would still be just as nasty

Tara Deering

There are times when you’re rollin’ in your car and a song on the radio catches your ear. Sometimes it might be the song’s rhythm that causes you to beat your fingers on the steering wheel, and other times, it might be the words that cause you to sing along.

Words you connect with because they may represent a special meaning or mood at that moment of time in your life.

There’s one particular song that has been eating up the radio and television waves that I’m sure has special meaning for a lot of its listeners.

Words that almost anyone could sing along to and understand.

TLC’s “No Scrub” is that song.

If you haven’t heard the song, let me clue you in. The song is about these girls who are pledging that they don’t want “No Scrub,” which is a man who hangs out the passenger side of his best friend’s ride trying to holla at them.

Though I am a die-hard TLC fan from back in the day when they were sagging their jeans and wearing multicolored condoms as head gear while singing “What About Your Friends?,” I urge people not to analyze the song “No Scrub.” If you do, you’ll realize that T-Boz, Left Eye and Chili could be singing about their own broke asses.

That’s one reason why I take a different approach to the song’s definition of a scrub.

To me, a scrub doesn’t have to be a man who lacks material possessions. A man can be rolling in an Eddie Bauer Ford Explorer and still be a scrub. The one trait all scrubs usually tend to hold is selfishness, and the trait they all seem to lack is respect for women.

There are a variety of reasons that can make a man be classified as a scrub.

Now, I don’t carry a Ph.D, and I’m not a male-hater. So what I’ve done is prepared a unisex list of full-proof signs that you might be dealing with a scrub — just substitute the word woman in where it is appropriate.

1. A scrub is a man who always says he’s on the phone with his mom or brother whenever you call and he has to click over.

2. A scrub is a man who will make plans with you two nights in a row and not bother to show up or call to say he can’t make it.

3. A scrub is a man who has friends, who are women, but all of the women, who are his friends, he’s having sexual relations with. The women who are no longer his friends usually have contracts out on his life.

4. A scrub is a man who, when he can’t get what he wants from a woman, tries to take it.

5. A scrub is a man who cares more about the rims on his car than the grade he received on his last business exam.

6. A scrub is a man who won’t take you out in public because he’s afraid his other friends, who are women, will see the two of you together.

7. A scrub is a man who will play Nintendo 64 with his boyz while talking to you on the phone.

8. A scrub is a man who’s so conceited that even after you stopped talking to him two months ago, he still thinks you’re crazy about him.

9. A scrub is a man who stands against the wall at the club and makes sure someone is watching before pulling out his cell phone.

10. A scrub is a man who’s so passive that you believe he’s slow and stupid, but really he’s just playing you so that he never has to do anything.


Tara Deering is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Des Moines. She is editor in chief of the Daily.