Well, I’m more than half done with semester number six here in the peaceful village of Ames. I’ve had two and a half years to learn the ins and outs of the place. The most important thing I have learned so far is that Ames is second only to Mexico City in driving danger.

Problems begin at that bump in the road that marks the spot where the Minnesota road crews stopped working and Iowa crews began.

If you’ve ever been on I-35 heading south on a Sunday afternoon you would know it’s not too busy.

Every time I drive back to Ames somebody passes me like a bat out of hell (and I’m exceeding the speed limit) and cuts in front of me with about three feet to spare.

I always get upset when people cut in front of me. It’s one thing to be on I-494 or I-35W in Minneapolis rush hour traffic where people have to make their exits.

However, when I’m in the middle of Iowa and the next car is barely visible on the horizon, I have a hard time finding any reason for being a jackass.

Since Iowa puts counties on their license plates, I know exactly where the person who cuts me off is from.

In rush hour traffic I know that people practice these death defying maneuvers every day, but I worry that someone from Winnebago County probably hasn’t and just has no idea what they’re doing.

I’m always ready to laugh off the experience, at least up until I see the ISU bumper sticker on their car and realize that I’ll be seeing more of them.

Once in town, driving problems can be grouped into three categories. Small town folks, international students and professors.

Watching small town people with stop lights is like chaperoning a junior high dance. The person and the light just sit and stare at each other, and when the person decides to make a move, it’s usually ill-advised.

Just to let everyone in on the secret, a green arrow pointing towards the left means that you can turn left without waiting for oncoming traffic. A green circle means you can turn left, but you have to give the right-of-way to oncoming traffic. It seems people get this mixed up a lot in this town.

If you’ve driven around much you might have noticed a little rod protruding from the left hand side of the steering column. If you’re the daring type you may have also noticed that it activates flashing lights on the front and back of your car. I know what you’re thinking. These lights are a James Bond-style weapon designed to give your enemies epileptic seizures.

Contrary to popular belief, these are “turning signals” designed to give other drivers some hints about whatever rambunctious maneuver you plan to pull next.

Don’t feel bad — only 20 people in Ames know this. Of those 20, only 10 realize that the whole point is to turn the signals on before you start turning, not in the middle of a turn.

The lack of turn signal use makes driving in Ames really annoying and being a pedestrian a lot more exciting. If the City of Ames wants to resolve the financial woes of the school district, they could spend a week writing tickets for failure to use turning signals.

My personal favorite are the people who buy the largest truck they can find for $75 and carefully remove the muffler with a sledge hammer.

I’ve learned to take impromptu detours whenever I hear the familiar rumble and yee-haw to avoid the complete absence of firing neurons of the people who drive these contraptions.

The second group of problem drivers is international students. I understand that it’s a big deal for people who come from countries where having a car is not feasible to come to the United States and be able to have a car. In fact, you almost need a car in Ames. At the same time, I see a lot of international students driving around looking confused or not looking at all.

International students are not at fault. First of all, you should be required to take a behind the wheel driving test. For some reason, the state of Iowa only tests random people.

In Eagan, we had drive to downtown St. Paul with our dimwit basketball coach and navigate the one-way streets on weekday afternoons for driver’s ed. People still failed the behind the wheel test. Multiple times.

Iowa is full of middle of nowhere places and smaller towns that are great for learning to drive. Somebody should help these students get the few extra hours of experience they need.

Lastly, there are the professors from the coasts that don’t yet realize that they can relax. The Santa Monica Freeway and turnpikes of the East are all hundreds of miles away.

Throw a bunch of people who don’t know how to drive together with people who get carried away and put them in the most poorly designed city that doesn’t have the excuse of being 200 years old and you get Ames, Iowa.

I’m looking forward to a week of controlled insanity on the freeways of the Twin Cities. At least it’s a break from the automotive free-for-all in Ames.

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Erik Hoversten is a senior in math and physics from Eagan, Minn. He’s secretly jealous of people who hang out of pickup trucks and hoot n’ holler on Friday nights.