The Fartman award goes to…

Corey Moss

I have seen more videos (or parts of videos) in the last week than I have seen all year on MTV, which could only mean one thing: The MTV Video Awards are upon us.

To be technical, they were upon us, but considering you can still watch reruns of the show 24 hours a day for the next month, the hype of the entire event is far from over.

So what’s all the hype about (man, I sound like a Surge commercial)? Actually, this year’s show was quite a spectacle.

There was the breathtaking opening of Puff Daddy’s tribute to the Notorious B.I.G., “I’ll Be Missing You,” which featured none other than Sting singing the “Every Breath You Take” chorus.

How did this memorable event come about? My guess is Sting was in need of a little career boost and who better to give it to him than Mr. Hollywood himself: Puff Daddy.

Another semi-memorable duet to grace the Video Awards stage was The Wallflowers and Bruce Springsteen. How? The same theory applies, only I’m not sure which artist needed the career boost.

The list of memorable events can go on and on, but I figured I would shorten it up by giving out some Moss Pit MTV Video Awards Awards.

Most drunk/stoned female presenter: Fionna Apple.

Most drunk/stoned male presenter: Busta Rhymes, who during the announcement of the winner, looked out into the crowd and said, “Jamiroquai, what’s up?”

Strangest presenting couple: Martha Stewart and Busta Rhymes.

Best dressed performer: Beck.

Worst dressed performer: You thought I was going to say Spice Girls, didn’t you? Well, nothing tops the ass-showing outfit worn by Marilyn Manson.

Best performance: Beck.

Worst performance: Spice Girls and everyone else who lip synced.

Biggest bunch of crap: I can not understand how Hanson can be born and raised by MTV and then get completely denied at their Awards Show.

That’s like throwing a pitch at your own son in a father-son tournament.

What was even more surprising was that Fionna Apple won the Best New Artist Video instead of Hanson, or even The Wallflowers or Meredith Brooks.

Biggest bunch of crap runner-up: “Hypnotize” winning Best Rap Video. Perhaps it’s MTV’s way of paying respect to Notorious B.I.G., but there is no way it deserved to win over Blackstreet’s “No Diggity,” by far the best rap song and video of the year.

Most unrespected band: Once again, you thought I was going to say Spice Girls, who faced ridicule all night by host Chris Rock. But on my third or fourth time watching the show, I noticed something unbelievably rude.

When the nominees for Best Dance Video are being announced and played, the audience cheers for each one as usual.

Until Freak Nasty’s “Da Dip” is announced — when there is a moment of complete silence. The next nominee is announced seconds later and the cheers go back to normal.

Do these people not like “Da Dip?” I bet Freak Nasty was feeling pretty low at that point, especially when the Spice Girls ended up winning.

Best one-liner: When Chris Rock told the crowd to “run to church right now,” following Marilyn Manson’s performance of “The Beautiful People.”

The Fartman award: This award is named after Howard Stern and is presented to the artist who made the biggest fool out of himself or herself. And the winner is … Marilyn Manson, who announced to the crowd that Christianity is fascism.

Most beautiful moment: Sublime winning Best Alternative Video for “What I Got.” It is about time the late Sublime frontman Bradley Nowell receives some recognition.

So the MTV Video Awards have came and went (sort of) and it’s time to go back to the MTV we’re used to — stupid TV shows.

Maybe next year they will start giving out awards such as Best MTV Actor (Beavis or Butthead) and Best MTV Actress (Jenny McCarthy or Daria).


Corey Moss is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.