Much like Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, our beloved Lancelot and Elaine have come to the decision that it’s time to step away from their royal Arthurian family heritage. The announcement comes after recent findings indicate King Arthur himself was heavily involved in the americanization of the french fry.

 

“It’s something Elaine and I have been thinking about since we relocated to Laverne in 1935,” said Lancelot. “Between the frat bro culture of the knights at the round table and my sword being completely useless during modern day AR-15 fights, it’s just time.”

 

The swan admitted however, that the occasional stray french fry found in the lake is quite scrumptious.

 

“I’ll never be able to deny just how good a fry is every once in a while,” claimed Lancelot while downing a soggy E. Coli infested burger found on a bench. “I just hate what America has turned it into, especially considering the first fry originates from Belgium, a small country no one ever would care about if it wasn’t for their waffles.” 

 

When asked how she felt about the decision to retire, Elaine had some thoughts of her own. “Ames is honestly the perfect place for us to retire. In this middle of nowhere Iowa town, there isn’t a pigeon in sight. I can’t stand those things with their clueless look and disproportional body size,” Elaine aggressively exclaimed. “It’s a miracle those pansy city birds even get off the ground. If I looked like the pigeons did, Lancelot would’ve surely drowned me by now.”

 

These were no doubt strong words coming from a swan with absolutely zero flight capabilities. Lancelot declined to comment on the pigeon situation. 

 

With our most beloved royal couple stepping away from the picture, this event truly signals the end of royalty around the world. After all, if we can’t refer to our sweet prince as sir anymore, what do we have? Lancelot and Elaine’s only wish is to be left alone and enjoy their eternal retirement which will undoubtedly outlast Lake Laverne and the university itself. 

 

This is a wish that we all should try our best to uphold, even if we are dangerously intoxicated, because in our hearts, Lancelot and Elaine were never a prince and princess. They have been and always will be, our king and queen.