Satire: Iowa State students forced to take trainings on all 27 amendments following the initial First Amendment training

If+you+liked+the+first+bit+of+amendment+training%2C+just+wait+until+you+get+to+do+all+the+other+ones.

By Omar Waheed, [email protected]

If you liked the first bit of amendment training, just wait until you get to do all the other ones.

Alejandro Gomez

Since November of 2019 there have been over 70 reported incidents of discrimination towards targeted groups of individuals based on race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. 

 

The actions reported range from verbal and digital harassment to vandalism, direct threats, and intimidation. Clearly, since there are students who are not fully aware of where the line in the sand is, it is important to make a clear-cut guide on what is and is not allowed. To guide the students, staff, and faculty at Iowa State, the First Amendment training modules were created for all individuals to complete. 

 

The initial training has been so conducive and well received, that 26 more trainings have been made to thoroughly educate the people of our community on the rights afforded to us.

 

The initial training takes only an estimated 20 minutes to complete; in only a jiffy were the trainees fully versed on the five modules of reading and quiz that was required to finish. With that track record, participants should be able to finish the other 26 training sessions in only a little more than eight and a half hours. Luckily, we do not have to pay for the half semester’s worth of learning, but no credit hours are received either.

 

Some students had qualms with the training but for many different reasons, one student has been quoted saying “I can’t read that much, I’m an animal science major”. 

Other students were disappointed in the fact that although the training was said to be required, the quizzes were easily made so that they could be passed even without doing the actual reading. Despite the disappointment of some students, others were excited about some of the training. 

 

“I did the Second Amendment training so good” said Saul T. Wang, an undeclared second year senior.

 

The Iowa State community looks forward to having a constitutionally proficient campus and is excited to see further violations of rights no longer being reported.