Share love in the right language for you

Olivia Hanson

To different people, love can mean many different things. We each have our own ways of expressing love and expectations for how it should look. 

In the book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts,” Gary Chapman highlights five different ways we express love: words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, receiving gifts and quality time.

Why is it important to learn the languages of love? Because they are the most important forms of communication to know in order to achieve a successful, lasting relationship. If you and your partner aren’t able to fulfill what each other needs in the relationship and be able to communicate it to each other, you’ll have a rocky relationship, if it even lasts at all.

This not only works for romantic relationships but also for relationships with friends and family. You’ll be surprised by how positively your relationships will change once you communicate to each other your languages of love.

There can sometimes be a disconnect among you, your friends, your family and your partner because you don’t know how to fulfill each other’s needs in these different relationships, and that’s where arguments start. You can reduce your arguments by finding out the languages of love needed by those close to you.

The first step is to learn what each language of love consists of. If you don’t know what your language of love is, you can go to and take the quiz. Or maybe you know by just looking – listed below are some helpful tips for communicating for your language.

Words of affirmation

Things you should do: Leave notes, send cards

Ways of communication: Affirm, compliment, use kind words

What you should avoid: Harsh criticism, not appreciating effort

Acts of service

Things you should do: Help with chores, demonstrate continuous helpfulness and kindness

Ways of communication: Say “I’ll help you with that” or “I’ll fix that for you”

What you should avoid: Not following through on tasks, not remembering promises

Physical touch

Things you should do: Hold hands, touch or caress subtly, hug, kiss

Ways of communication: Mostly non-verbal but also use of kind facial expressions

What you should avoid: Neglect, time periods of non-physical punishment

Receiving gifts

Things you should do: Give gifts on and not on special occasions

Ways of communication: Using fact-oriented words, putting them first, being thoughtful

What you should avoid: Forgetting special days, being too cheap

Quality time

Things you should do: Go on a road trip, take long walks with your partner

Ways of communication: Have one-on-one time, face-to-face conversations, and give them undivided attention

What you should avoid: Interrupting, long time periods away from your partner, putting other people before them

Though cliché, communication really is the key to happy relationships, no matter what age you are. College is about the time when people tend to start really zoning in on and learning the languages of love in order to leave the roller-coaster relationships behind.