Unions: How to deal with overbearing mothers

Samantha Berrafato

One of the happiest moments in a young woman’s life is when the man of her dreams pops the big question. However, one person can make planning the happiest day of your life miserable. This can be hard, considering that person is your mother.

There are a few ways of dealing with an overbearing mom, but first you need to know the different kinds of momzillas.

One of these momzillas is the controlling mom. She is trying to plan the wedding that she never had — the wedding of her dreams instead of her daughter’s.

Then there is the emotional mom. She has an emotional investment in the wedding and is caring, but becomes obsessed with planning.

Last but not least, there is the angry mom. Most of her anger might come ] from a divorce and she feels like she is competing with the father of the bride for the best parent. She can end up overcompensating to outdo her ex-husband.

There are ways to deal with overbearing mothers without hurting your mom’s feelings.

• Pay for your wedding yourself. Chances are, if Mom is paying, you are going to have to listen to what she has to say.

• Giver her a project. This can be something that she enjoys to keep her busy while still being a part of the planning. She can help take care of the flowers or choose a photographer.

• Avoid talking about the wedding more than necessary. If Mom isn’t being supportive of what you want for your big day, try avoiding the topic altogether. Don’t leave her out, though. She does still want to be a part of your day even if she doesn’t agree with the details.

• Learn how to say “back off” and “I love you” in the same scripted sentence. For example, you could say something like, “It means a lot to me that you are so interested in my wedding planning. That said, I hope you will be able to respect that my partner and I are putting a lot of thought into having a wedding that reflects our unique relationship and values. I hope you can place your trust in what we feel works best for us.”

• Give her a picture of your vision. Sometimes Mom just can’t see what you see when you pick a certain venue or flowers, so show her. If you want your wedding in a park, take her there or show her pictures of it and point where you think things will go. Giving her a clearer picture may show her what you want and how you have thought it through.

• Hang in there. Momzillas may be difficult now, but sometimes it takes her a while to warm up to the ideas you have. Once they come together and she sees how well they work, she will come around.