We have got to find a better way to travel. Pneumatic tubes, teleportation, flying carpets, something. Because airport security is effectively ruining air travel.

Starting this week, John F. Kennedy and Los Angeles International Airports will begin use of “whole body imaging” technology, according to CNN. These machines can “see through clothing and provide a detailed image of a person’s body.” In other words, they’re going to strip-search their customers. They’ve just found a way to do it without touching anyone’s clothes.

Since the beginning of all the ridiculous security measures, airports have been treating each paying customer like a criminal, but this really crosses the line. I have no interest putting my body on display to whoever might be behind the magic curtain just so I can prove I don’t have a weapon.

The Transportation Security Administration is answering protests of privacy infringement by saying the employee screening our bodies won’t be able to see us, and our faces will be “pixilated.” They also say that they will discard the image after the search. Don’t do us any favors.

CNN says the imaging process will replace patdowns. That means people will be selected randomly for this virtual strip search. You can still ask for the patdown, but no one will offer it to you. So as they’re leading you to your awkward, unlucky fate, you have to say you’d prefer the patdown to displaying your birthday suit. If you’re too flustered to say so, too bad, so sad. Maybe you can keep your dignity next time.

Also in recent news, the airlines are complaining that their industry is in trouble, so they have to merge to stay alive. Well, I can tell you that the economy is not the only thing keeping this traveler from wanting to fly on planes. I’m tired of worrying about foot fungus from walking barefoot behind hundreds of other people. I’m sick of the airport personnel breaking my suitcase and everything in it when they do their hasty, clumsy searches. And I’m definitely none too fond of this newest invasion of my privacy.

You may say, Miss Lewis, these safety precautions are merely there for our safety. So if they’re a little inconvenient, it’s better than letting a dangerous person on the plane.

You know the funny thing about that? The security measures at airports are largely there to make us feel better. Airport screeners repeatedly fail safety tests. They won’t let the little old lady with some hand sanitizer go through, but they miss knives, box cutters and chemicals used to make bombs. Just last November, The Associated Press covered a story where screeners at a Washington airport did not detect prohibited items brought through their line by testers.

Maybe that’s why they’ve beefed up the security to this ridiculous level. I mean, there are few places left to hide something when there’s someone looking under your clothes. I don’t want to give the TSA any ideas, but those places do still exist. The tighter security, the smarter the criminals get.

But why spend so much money on all these machines? Why don’t we hand over our clothes with our carry-on at the beginning of the checkpoint and proceed naked until we meet our purses and briefcases on the other side? We can even hide our faces from one another with paper sacks.

No? Doesn’t sound good? Yeah, maybe it’s just a bit better when we can’t see our naked bodies being scrutinized by strangers.

Next time you’re at an airport with one of these machines, I hope the change in your pocket or the bad-luck cloud over your head doesn’t qualify you for a deeper search. But, if so, just remember that the guy behind the screen staring at your nakedness is there for your protection. And bon voyage.

– Bailey Lewis is a sophomore in English from Indianola.