It’s not every day that you get war updates and information on the sports page, especially when my name is next to it. That’s mainly because I try and distance myself as far as possible from the “hard news” because it is just way too depressing.

But the other day when I turned on the computer and went to the ESPN Web site, I noticed that the things that are going on in Iraq are possibly going to have an effect on the sporting world. Apparently, CBS is prepared to pre-empt their NCAA Tournament and move it to the other Viacom networks, such as TNN, VH1 or MTV.

If this happens, that means instead of sitting there and watching the updates that all your favorite soap operas will continue uninterrupted next week, we’ll spend our timeouts with a different distraction. We could be getting an update on J-Lo and Ben Affleck from Gideon Yago, or maybe Sway will be keepin’ it righteous with a locker room report after the latest victim of the fifth-seed curse opens the doors to the media.

Maybe we could even get a “Behind the Music” on the Duke University pep band and their battle with drugs, alcohol and groupies at their summer band camp.

All I know is, if they put tournament coverage on TNN, stay away from my roommate Jeff, or Swede as we call him. He is one unhappy camper if he misses even one episode of Star Trek: Next Generation.

At first, I was against this possible move. For one, obviously I don’t want to even see a war, or war coverage, all over TV. With the capabilities that these other countries have, it’s only a matter of time before something else happens in the U.S. like Sept. 11.

But I realized all the possibilities that viewers and fans would have if the games were moved to other channels. We could have our pick of which game to watch if they ran on all the available Viacom stations.

We wouldn’t be forced to watch the regional match-up where, say, Indiana and Kent State see if they can match the biggest tournament scoring differential since the inception of March Madness.

I could simply turn the channel and watch Texas and Georgetown battle it out for the right to play another game.

Besides the option of choosing the games, what if they followed the format of the station’s regular programming. We could get a mix of WWE and NCAA on TNN: the WNCAWAE.

For the first round, you could have special enforcers to keep an eye on officiating. If a ref makes a bad call, Stone Cold Steve Austin can run in and give the guy a Stone Cold Stunner. This would be a good bracket for Texas Tech to be in, as Bobby Knight is experienced in throwing foreign objects during his games anyway. You could even have a battle royale or tag-team match between all the Wildcats and Tigers in the tournament, since we know each region will have about two of each.

Another option for TNN is to cross-promote the tournament with its syndication of “Baywatch.” Dress all the cheerleaders in red swimsuits and have them run in slow motion across the courts during time-outs. All mascots would be replaced with David Hasselhoff and that old dude with the mustache, and they can take turns pelting each other with silicon implants.

On MTV, one of the venues for the first round can be turned into the biggest TRL studio ever, and Carson Daly can take requests from all the players and coaches. How funny would it be to see Nick Collison giving a shout out to all his peeps back in Iowa Falls, while kickin’ it with Ja Rule and Irv Gotti.

They could get the mascots involved here as well. Instead of a jump ball at tip-off, put the mascots in the ring for a special edition of Celebrity Death Match. There the fans could get the dream match of Syracuse Orange guy and that fake Yosemite Sam from Oklahoma State.

On VH1, who am kidding? Nobody watches VH1. Maybe someone would if they had basketball on all day. I can’t help them with their programming. I’m sure it could involve Celine Dion and Mariah Carey, since they have shown up everywhere else in the sports world.

On second thought, maybe it would just be better to not have a war. Then we wouldn’t have to worry about what we would see on the other channels during the tournament.

I would rather see a backboard shattering from a monster dunk than another American landmark being turned into a big pile of rubble.

Rick Kerr is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Des Moines.