October has something for everyone

Peter Borchers

Well the big presidential election is just over a month away which means one thing: It’s WAY too early to start thinking about it.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t vote or anything (some polling places even give you a free sticker – how cool is that!). I’m just saying it’s not something you need to start panicking about. Because when you think about it, there’s really only one important question to answer; it’s multiple choice, and there are only two real options. How hard can it be?

Oh, I’ll put some thought into my vote. Because I’d hate for Iowa’s seven critical electoral votes to go to an unworthy candidate. I’m also a very competitive guy so I want to be sure I’m voting for the winner.

But right now I have a number of more pressing issues that need my attention such as deciding what to cook for dinner, finding a topic for this column, and searching for the man who let the dogs out. This seems to be a major concern for many students, especially at parties.

Besides, why would I want to waste one of the best months of the year worrying about politics? October has something for everyone!

Nature lovers get to enjoy all the beautiful colors of fall while nature haters get the thrill of watching everything they despise whither up and die a slow death.

In October we get an extra hour of sleep when Daylight Savings Time ends. Everybody loves Halloween, and Columbus Day is as good of an excuse as any to go out and drink yourself stupid.

But what makes this truly the best time of the year is that October is the nexus of the sports universe. Seriously, how do they expect us to pay attention to two old men in suits bicker about campaign finance reform when the baseball playoffs are on?

Not only is America’s pastime reaching its climax, we are also in the heart of the year’s most beautiful season: football season.

Unfortunately, a lot of professors don’t seem to appreciate this. It is not uncommon for them pass out assignments or even hold Monday exams.

Such actions should be considered a crime. How are we, as fans, supposed to fulfill our obligations to our teams if our professors keep trying to fill our weekends with readings and problem sets?

But as you know, college is a place for us to mature and part of that process is learning how to set priorities. Sometimes we just have to make sacrifices, which can be difficult.

So to make it easy on yourself, the next time you have to make a difficult choice, remember this: Always put your education first. And nothing is more important to your education than football.

When you think about it, the odds of you ever multiplying matrixes outside of college are minimal at best, whereas you’ll probably be watching football every fall weekend for the rest of your life.

I’m proud to say that Iowa State has a very enlightened student body where a number of students have already grasped this concept. These are the people who may have some trouble waking up for their noon biology lecture, yet have no difficulty getting out of bed at 6 a.m. on game days to start drinking beer.

Of course, nothing is more satisfying than cheering the home team to victory. This will be especially true this weekend when the hated Nebraska Cornhuskers, the number one team in all the land, come to Ames to be thoroughly humbled by a superior Cyclone squad.

We’ll tear down the invincible goalposts. We’ll tear down the stadium. The entire city of Ames might just up and explode. It’ll be the greatest day in the history of the world.

But what about Sunday? Is that the day to buckle down and do your homework? Don’t be ridiculous! Sunday you just switch focus to the NFL where each week there are 15 games to be watched.

And thanks to fantasy football, you can care about every single one of them.

Normally I’m not a big fan of fantasizing about other men. But fantasy football is an exception. For those who don’t know what fantasy football is, it’s a game where a bunch or guys get together and draft real NFL players onto imaginary teams.

Throughout the season, these imaginary teams play imaginary games against each other whereby the winner is determined by whichever imaginary team’s real players score the most real points in their respective real NFL games. The real owner of the imaginary team whose real players score the most real points is then awarded real money from a real pot set aside at the start of the imaginary season.

Trust me, it’s a hoot. And with my team suffering with a 1-4 record right now, I think it deserves a little bit more of my attention than some election.

Also, I guess I found something to write about for this column, but if you have any suggestions about what to cook for dinner or information regarding who let the dogs out, please let me know.