Radiohead remedies Limpfluenza

Jon Dahlager

The music industry is sick, suffering from a devastating virus.

The deadliest strain of influenza, Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst, has infected radio, MTV and CD players, weakening music since 1997.

When they first caused the music industry to cough with the pay-for-play deal they worked out with Portland, Ore., radio station KUFO, Durst and his rap-rock outfit appeared relatively harmless.

Influenza and Bizkit, however, are anything but harmless.

The flu can mutate and multiply rapidly, killing off entire populations if unchecked – 1,724 people died of the flu in the United States in 1998 according to the Center for Disease Control.

The Center has taken great care to keep the virus in check, contracting with a manufacturer to produce 9 million doses of the influenza virus.

The music industry, however, has underestimated Limpfluenza.

Hits such as a cover of George Michael’s “Faith” and the smash single “Nookie” brought the band to national prominence.

“Significant Other,” the band’s sophomore release, flew off the shelves, selling 634,000 copies in its first week.

The media-whorish, image-centered Durst disease rolled on, as the Bizkit frontman became Interscope Records’ senior vice president.

Networking genius Durst befriended celebrities such as Pauly Shore, Method Man and MTV’s Carson Daly, always appearing with his red Yankees cap.

Never passing up a chance to get a headline, Durst has capitalized on controversy, using Bizkit’s Woodstock ’99 performance, the Napster battle, and his recent appearance with Christina Aguilera on MTV’s Video Music Awards to promote his band.

The music industry has done nothing to stop Bizkit, allowing the band to spread and mutate, spawning strains such as Papa Roach, Shuvel and Crazy Town. Record executives have snapped up any band that raps over detuned, distorted guitars, ignoring many bands that are making experimental, creative music.

And in September, the band released two singles to promote their latest album, which is set to infect music consumers tomorrow. Both songs sound as though Durst has been spending more time making deals and insinuating that he got nookie from Aguilera than developing as a musician.

However, Durst may have to take his backwards red Yankees hat and shameless self-promotion and stick them up his yeah.

On Oct. 3, Radiohead re-leased “Kid A,” the band’s highly anticipated fourth release.

The antiviral drug Radioheadadine could stop the spread of Limpfluenza.

Radiohead has avoided MTV’s Total Request Live, declined to make a music video for the experimental album, decided to give limited, unrevealing interviews, and made few live appearances in support of the album.

Instead, the band will let the album sell itself.

Thom Yorke and company have always shown they value the music above all else, reinventing themselves with each album.

The stripped-down alternative fuzz of the “Pablo Honey” single “Creep” is a far cry from the lamented wail of “Fake Plastic Trees” or the computerized “Paranoid Android.”

And now Radiohead has combined free-flowing jazz, electronic sampling and extended jams into a Pink Floydesque mix that lacks anything resembling a single.

Instead, the band dares fans and critics alike to not only enjoy but experience music, rejecting radio-friendly hooks, rock star antics and image-heavy marketing ploys.

Vaccinations have already begun, as “Kid A” sold a reported 209,000 copies in its first week, earning the number one spot on the Billboard 200 albums chart.

The record came just in time, with Limp Bizkit’s “Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water” set to hit stores tomorrow.

Hopefully, Radioheadadine will prove effective in fighting off Limpfluenza, and creative music will triumph over image-heavy, pre-packaged anger.

If the virus can be stopped, or at least slowed, experimental, challenging music will have the chance to come to the forefront, similar to the alternative movement that knocked hair metal off the charts in the early ’90s.

Otherwise, it is going to be a long flu season.