I’d like to see men grovel to marry a rich woman

Aaron Woell

So there I was, leafing through the Daily early Monday morning when I came across the photo survey that asked everyone how they were spending their President’s Day.

Normally, I don’t pay much attention to the photo survey because I am never in it, which is just as well. Otherwise, some of my readers might save that current photograph and use it to track me down, persuading me to change my views with a Louisville Slugger.

And you thought my two-year-old mugshot was just because I’m lazy.

But really, the photo survey question bothered me because I had no idea it was President’s Day. I only knew it was Monday, which means Long Island Night at People’s. It also means long lines, but that’s irrelevant.

Although some of you may be bothered that I use drink specials as a calendar, I am more bothered that we didn’t get the day off. I found it very unfair that the university did not give us the day off when children at other schools were allowed to stay home, so as a measure of protest, I skipped my classes.

With all that extra time on my hands I was able to ponder many issues, including both our lack of celebrated holidays and that marriage pageant on Fox last week.

The fact that we didn’t get Monday off bothers me because other area schools did. Since I am from Illinois I am accustomed to receiving tons of vacation days, from President’s Day to Columbus Day.

In my state, even the school administrators recognized the importance of holidays beyond the sole celebration of dead historical figures. That is why they created Teacher’s Institute Day and parent-teacher conferences — to give educators the day off. They know parents never show up for those things.

There were lots of state holidays we celebrated, but my favorites were the ethnic holidays. Did you know that the entire state of Illinois takes off a day to celebrate a Polish soldier who fought during the Revolutionary War? No other state takes the day off, but we do just because of the strong concentration of Polish immigrants in Chicago.

There were other fun days that we got off, but since coming to college three-day weekends have been few and far between. Hell, I am amazed that we receive only a single day off for Easter, when back in Illinois we got the first Friday and the following week off.

I had hoped that a good, Christian, God-fearing state like Iowa would celebrate the entire thing. Instead you only celebrate the day Christ was killed and call it “Good” Friday. You don’t even honor him three days later when he rose from the grave and ascended into heaven. I may not be a good Christian, but I demand Monday off as well! What sort of heathens are you people?

But that example aside, I have to wonder why we go to school on days when the federal and state governments shut down. If the rest of the nation decides to stay home, shouldn’t we do the same?

There seems to be no pattern to the days the administration selects as holidays. I think the university simply picks and chooses which days it wants, making up its mind and ignoring patterns of accountability. How else can one explain the denial of parking permits to sorority members by the university, claiming that sororities are not considered “on campus”?

That claim runs counter to Jischke’s blanket moratorium on alcohol during Veishea in which he claims the Greek houses are “on campus,” and thus subject to university regulations regarding alcohol.

As much as I would enjoy expounding upon that situation, I really want to get back to the hoopla surrounding “Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire?”

While others may complain that the show trivialized the holy image of marriage or demonstrated just how shallow women are, I think the important lesson to take from it is the lack of equality between the sexes.

The show amounted to a beauty pageant where the reward was a hefty bank account, not just a cheesy crown bought at Wal-Mart. While some claim that it was unfair that the women were forced to parade around in bathing suits while the rich bachelor hid backstage, I think the formula seemed perfectly reasonable and in line with the norms of our society.

What I would rather see is a single, rich woman on the show trying to find a husband. I think it would be fitting to see equality go full circle and have fifty men vying for the affections and wealth of some mystery woman.

I bet there would be no shortage of physically fit guys who would sign up for the show. Since the woman would be rich, the men would not need to know how to cook or clean. That’s what servants are for. Instead, the men would only need to hold a decent conversation and look good naked.

Given the popularity of bad soap operas there would probably be more women tuning in to see that than there were men who watched the ladies strut their stuff. And since ratings equals money, I think we all know what the network will do.


Aaron Woell is a senior in political science from Bolingbrook, Ill.