Finally, I can rent a car

Peter Borchers

For the past couple weeks, hundreds of reporters and photographers have been in Iowa to cover one of the biggest national events of the year: my 21st birthday.

Yesterday, Jan. 26, was the big day, so for obvious reasons, I won’t be in class today. (I don’t have classes on Thursdays anyway)

I had to write this column on Tuesday so I can’t report on the actual events of my birthday, but I can tell you that I am very excited. Finally, after years of waiting, I will legally be able to rent a car (except on campus during Veishea).

A number of my friends have already turned 21, and I haven’t seen them much on the weekends since then. I presume that’s because they are spending their Friday nights hopping from car agency to car agency renting cars and having a blast with their new 21 year-old friends.

Meanwhile, those of us in the underage crowd are stuck spending our Friday nights begging our older friends to supply rental cars for us so we don’t have to spend all night riding around on the bus.

But I don’t need to worry about that anymore because by the time you read this, I’ll be able to rent a car whenever I want. In fact, I’d rent cars every night if I could afford it.

For those of you who haven’t rented cars before, you’ll discover that it is truly a unique experience. When you rent a car for the first time you’ll probably be filled with a sense of freedom you’ve never felt before. Your inhibitions will disappear.

Suddenly you’ll find yourself taking those unknown winding roads you’d never dream of taking in your own car.

Sure, you’ll hit some bumps and make some embarrassing driving mistakes and possibly piss some people off. You may even leak oil on your friends newly paved driveway, but when you’re renting a car you just don’t care. Besides, “I’m sorry, I was renting a car that night,” is a great excuse for almost anything!

There are so many rental cars out there that you’re bound to find something you love. The hardest part may be choosing what to rent first. Just remember this age-old adage when you hit rental car agencies: “Car before truck, you’re gonna get stuck. Truck before car, you’re gonna go far.”

But like all good things, renting cars has some drawbacks.

Every rental car has a unique feel to its gas pedal and steering wheel. This can make driving in a straight line or even staying on the road difficult.

You also probably won’t know how to work certain features in your rental car. Heavy driving may cause your windshield to get dirty or “cloud over.”

This may seem fun at first, but eventually you’ll stop and get out of the rental car and realize that you have no idea where you are or how you got there.

And if you do a little bit too much heavy driving and let your windshield get too foggy, possibly while experimenting with such things as the radio, you may step out of your car and see that you are parked in a private driveway next to your best friend’s girlfriend, who was also renting a car.

This is one situation where the “I was renting a car that night” excuse just won’t work.

In fact, if this happens to you, you may have a rental car problem. Other warning signs may include: Renting cars in the morning, renting cars alone, hiding your rental cars from friends and family, taking time off of work or school to rent cars.

If you or anyone you know are engaging in these activities, please get help immediately.

I’ve spent a lot of time talking about renting cars, but there is another privilege you are granted when you turn 21. Most people don’t know or observe this, but legally you aren’t allowed to drink alcohol until you turn 21.

Naturally, I would love to take advantage of this on my birthday while at the same time renting a car. But certain laws prevent me from doing so.

I suppose this makes sense. After all, driving rental cars can really affect your concentration. Also, trying to keep two hands on the wheel and your eyes on the road can really impair your drinking ability.

Drinking under the influence of a rental car can cause you to lose control of your drink and spill. Even the smallest of spills can cause damage to you or your passengers clothes, so please, don’t drive and drink.

Finally, as a small birthday favor to me, if you see me sitting in the gutter because my rental car broke down, please give me a ride home.

If you see me laying in the gutter for some other reason that might be associated with my 21st birthday, please make sure I’m still breathing and laying on my side.


Peter Borchers is a senior in advertising from Bloomington, Minn., where he helps put the MN in ColuMNist.