In the near future, “Always Coca-Cola,” could gain a whole new meaning to students at Iowa State.

According to last week’s Daily, Iowa State is considering having a single-beverage contract with Coca-Cola. This means that you smart people, who have managed to master the art of locating Pepsi products on campus, are going to have your work cut out for you. The endangered Pepsi will become even more so.

On one side of the argument you have the supporters of the single-beverage contract, or as I like to call them, the “Go Coke” people. These people say that this will bring in extra funding for the school. It is not enough that they take your last dollar of laundry money so you can get a drink to help keep you up during your 8 a.m. classes.

On the other side, you have the people who oppose the contract, or as I like to call them, the “Yea Pepsi” people. These people think that this would just narrow our already limited choices. They also feel this would give Coca-Cola a monopoly at Iowa State.

Monopoly. What a great game that is.

Anyway, back to my point. My first impulse is to say that this is a bad thing. I thought our forefathers fought a war so we could have certain inalienable rights. Rights that include freedom of speech, the press, choice of carbonated beverage and religion!

Freedom of choice of carbonated beverage was NOT written into the Bill of Rights, however. It should have been.

My next impulse is to say maybe this isn’t so bad after all. I mean, this will cut down on a lot of the pressures students at Iowa State face. Granted, they will still have to worry about little things like what to major in, what courses to take, how to pay for their education and they also have to pass all their classes. But, at least their beverage choice would already be made for them. They wouldn’t even have to give it a second thought.

Did you all hear that big collective sigh of relief? I know I sure did.

After going back and forth on the issue, I decided that it is a bad idea. And not just because I like Pepsi products better. Because this could possibly be the issue that finally tears the university apart and puts one student against another.

Can’t you just see it now? Classrooms will be divided down the middle with the “Go Coke” people on one side of the room and the “Yea Pepsi” people on the other. Homecoming will fall apart because the “Yea Pepsi” people will destroy the floats of the “Go Coke” people. Veishea will come to an end as the “Go Coke” people riot at Dew the Rec.

It will all end in madness.

However, if the school does decide to go through with the single-beverage deal, then I suppose I could make it work to my advantage. Everyday before class I will go to the store and buy a case of Pepsi and carry it with me all day to my classes. I can then sell these cans of Pepsi at a hefty profit to the people who refuse to give in to “the man” and drink Coke.

I know you are probably thinking that it could get a little heavy carrying a case of Pepsi with me everyday, not to mention a hassle to have to go to the store every morning. If I can save one Pepsi-starved soul, however, it will all be worth it in the end.

The school is supposed to decide the beverage fate of Iowa State sometime in February. We can only sit here and wait to find out what will happen and see if we will become the Coca-Clones and change our mascot to a dancing 20 ounce bottle of Coke. We can change our fight song to one of their catchy little jingles.

After every three pointer at the basketball games, the cheerleaders can throw cans of Coca-Cola into the audience instead of the T-shirts they throw now. For those people who get knocked out by one of the flying Coke cans, they can be rushed to a special recovery area where they can recover while drinking a refreshing Coke.

While we are at it, why not just drain Lake Laverne and refill it with Coke. Then, in the winter after it freezes over, everyone gets a free Coke slushie. As long as you make your own.

At graduation, instead of a diploma, everyone will get a Coke! OK, maybe not.

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Jenny Joanning is a junior in journalism and mass communications from Norwalk.