Satire: Due to inflation, Friley Hall on the verge of eruption


Mikinna Kerns/Iowa State Daily

Fences erected around the historical building, Friley remains in danger as inflation rises.

Eli Lindsey

With all the talk of economic inflation in today’s world, the basic definition for the word “inflation” has all but been forgotten. This is proving to be an issue as Friley Hall has become so filled with air, it is set to burst in the coming days. 


Experts believe that due to the number of people who have gained the freshman 15 and live in Friley Hall, their heavy breathing on the steps has caused the building to become too full of air.  


This issue coupled with a “roof that has been there since I first Christmas caroled with your grandma,” according to my grandfather, spells out problems for the university.


Building maintenance crews have been trying to relieve the building of some of its air by reportedly walking into the building, sucking in the air through a straw (reusable of course), then walking outside and ripping a fat one into the wind. 


As shocking as this may be, this method has shown no signs of helping the situation and the last resort may be to feed good ol ‘Friley some Pepto Bismol to decrease bloating. The burst appears imminent however, and relocation for residents is set to be back to living with the bats in towers, after all who knows maybe Robert Pattinson will be there method acting for the next batman movie. 


All that is left to do now is wait until the burst occurs so the United States Geological Survey can officially declare Friley Hall the only active volcano in the state of Iowa.