Satire: Iowa State to launch NFT line to replace scholarship programs


The future of art? An early edition of Iowa State’s new line of NFTs gets ready to replaces scholarships

Drew Simon

Move aside scholarships, Iowa State University is moving into the future and helping students invest in tomorrow as well with their new state-of-the-art NFT collection.


The new Cy-themed NFT collection is promised to be “the next big thing in this thing that no one quite understands,” an undisclosed faculty member describes.


Scholarships traditionally award money directly towards the student’s tuition, allowing them to pay it off immediately. The new NFT collection however, aimed at replacing all university scholarships, will work a little differently.


Instead of cashing them in, the university will award all NFTs to freshmen who qualify and by senior year the school claims the NFTs will have appreciated in value enough that every student will be able to sell theirs back for enough money to pay off their tuition as well as buy a house right out of graduation, put a down payment on a vacation home and create a six-figure financial portfolio.


“You don’t see any other University striding into the future and being able to promise their students this many amazing amenities straight out of graduation,” notes prestigious 3rd floor MU Janitor Mr. Hayes. “Sure, we may not understand how it works or seen a procedure like this ever before, but when has that ever stopped us from new programs in the past?”


While the program isn’t set to begin until the 2023 school year, the University tech support is in talks to already be googling what a “blockchain” is and have already given up on building a properly working AccessPlus in order to create servers large enough to host these yet-to-be released NFTs.