Empath flunks out of psychology program

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Omar Waheed

In a surprising turn of events for one student who self-identifies as an empath, flunking out the psychology program wasn’t something they felt coming. 

 

Swearing that they didn’t need to pass PSYCH 101 since they have a deeper intuition of others feelings than the instructor, who happens to have earned a PHD in social psychology and a former practicing psychologist, the student tried to diagnose the whole class based on “the vibes they were giving off.”

 

“I just really like, feed off the vibes that people are feeling and try to help them,” said the disgruntled student. “I’ve always been able to tell how people are really feeling whether or not they know how they’re feeling.”

 

Coming forward, one student, Chad Cox, a fellow psychology student, spoke up while adjusting his mullet when asked about the student.

 

“Oh her? Yeah I don’t know what the hell she’s always going on about,” said Cox. “One time she just came up to me and told me ‘your aura is off’ and then handed me a crystal.”

 

Still visibly confused from the situation after recalling it, Cox showed off an illustrious obsidian crystal.

 

“She told me I have to charge it,” said Cox. “It’s a rock.”

 

Following up with the empath, she talked about the alienation she felt from her classmates.

 

“It’s really hard. I feel like all of these people are annoyed with me,” she said. “And I can tell because I’m an empath.”

 

Still desiring to continue her education here, the student is now thinking of moving over to the early childhood education program where she’s sure that she can “figure out how to use her gift for good.”