Satire: ISU parking introduces new BS system


Iowa State Daily

Fines rack up until ISU parking implemented a new system to curb illegal parking.

Drew Simon

Iowa is home to many well respected worldwide organizations that all boast innovations on the brink of their respected fields. One such organization is Iowa State’s own parking division. 


While most normal, lackluster university parking divisions simply ticket those who are not parked in their spot, ISU parking has taken the game to a whole new level by installing new “belligerent squares” down every street in Ames. 


These belligerent squares, or BS for short, are helping to fix a problem ISU parking division claims has been tormenting all citizens of Ames for decades now… those who dare park their car on the road. 


Parking divisions new BS is centered around small magnetic cubes on the ground that are designed to be small enough for a car to drive over them, however once a car is detected to be on top of the cube for more than half the length of a Leonardo Dicaprio movie, which parking division says is more than generous, the cube will become electrically charged and shoot straight up, through the chassis of the car, and make it undrivable and unable to move until Ames towing can come and pick up the vehicle to be towed away for an additional $400.


ISU parking is excited to deploy their new BS, having suffered during remote classes and only raking in about $5,000 of fines a day in their normal tactics of ticketing cars in abandoned lots and vehicles parked on the wrong side of the road at 3 am disrupting all of Ames’ bustling nightlife traffic. 


They also claim their exciting team up with Ames’ towing business is going to be one of the largest contributions to the local economy since the bars allowed 18 year olds in during game days.


Only time will tell but spirits are high, just not quite as high as a ticket you will receive for letting your parking meter go 30 seconds over.