Satire: March Madness diagnosed: Schizophrenia



Deception and coddling in its highest form, help players forced to play in a made up tournament to appease a mental illness take a break.

Caden Washburn

Every year 68 of the top college basketball teams in the nation fight for their right to the national championship trophy, or do they?


Since the dawn of the NCAA tournament, only 37 of the total 358 eligible teams in the United States. How is it possible only 10 percent of college basketball teams account for 100 percent of all championships? Well, there are many possibilities such as very rich, very old donors, large endowments, and of course money, but new research has a new opinion. . . schizophrenia. 


For years, the NCAA tournament has been dominated by 37 teams because only 37 teams have been competing. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM-5) lists symptoms of schizophrenia as having hallucinations and delusions for over a month. These 37 teams have been hallucinating games for 83 years! Sadly, networks have known this for years and have hidden this illness from the general public by CGI-ing the team’s opponents for these 37 teams to play.


These teams need help to break them from this manic cycle of 5 on 0 basketball. As fans, our responsibility is to help these poor teams like Duke, North Carolina, Villanova, Kentucky and even Kansas by getting them the help they need. Permanent bans from the NCAA tournaments.