Humor: Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to message an ex



Prepare your fingers to blast messages at unsuspecting former lovers this Valentine’s Day.

Omar Waheed

It’s the most romantic time of the year again after Super Bowl Sunday: Valentine’s Day. While you could field all the potential partners and take a swing at something that may or may not be there, revisit an old fling and message all your exes.

“But there’s obviously a reason we aren’t together anymore,” you may be thinking.

So? What better time to crop up old feelings than the day of romance? Shoot your shot. Be toxic as you comb through each one’s social media accounts to figure out whether they managed to do better than you.

Instead of crying on the couch as you binge watching a series you’ve seen umpteen times while huddled with a bottle of wine as you contemplate why you are all alone again this year, rekindle an old flame for the sake of drama.

When you find out that they are all alone, message them. Force them to relive all the feelings they had for you from good to bad as you slowly come to the realization that you don’t have any feelings for them, but nostalgia feels nice.

If you’re lucky, they’ll remember all the big romantic gestures and completely forget that time you went to the bar together with her and a bunch of her friends, even the one that gets really touchy when they’re drunk, and while you didn’t do anything per say, you didn’t try to deny her friend’s advances, which is why you broke up in the first place because it means “you’re unfaithful,” or whatever.

The perfect message to craft to get their attention once again? You’re overthinking it. You have the most powerful tool already: establishment. Shoot a simple “hi,” and let the chaos commence.