Dos and Don’ts at bars

Gabriel Stoffa

Maybe you’ve been to a bar, or maybe your first time is coming up. Regardless, there are some things you should know.

– Don’t wave your money in the air or at the bartender to try and get his attention. You won’t be served any faster than if you just wait. In fact, it may annoy them and force you to wait longer.

– If you want less wait time for drinks, have an attractive girl order them. When I was a bartender, I served the pretty girl before the random dude. Sorry, that’s just how it works.

– Girls, bring a guy with you when you go in a group to party. I know it seems against the whole girls night out thing, but having one guy there, whom you trust, will help to keep creeps from bothering you.

– Guys, stop going out in large groups of just guys if you want to meet girls. Invite a few girls you know out with you — girls you aren’t going to hit on all night. Showing you already know girls make new girls more receptive when you approach them — trust me, girls are watching you.

– If you ask someone if they want a shot, it means you’re paying. No splitting or anything, deal with it.

– Get to know a bartender at each bar you frequent. Tip them well and try to always order from them. By doing so, they will be helpful to you in the future and likely throw you some deals and prompt service.

– Tip $1 per drink, $2 if the drink is more than $6. Your bartender notices when you don’t tip. Also, for those using credit cards, tipping $3 or $4 on a bar tab larger than $30 is not cool, and if the bartender remembers you — and trust me, we do — you will not be getting great service in the future. Being cheap on a night will cost you in the long run.

– Girls, keep your shoes on in the bar, the floors are nasty and there is broken glass.

– Guys, go talk to the girl sitting alone. Girls do not go to bars alone to drink, they want to meet people.

– Do not, I repeat, do not reach over the bar. The bartender does not want you messing with their area, and you will be thrown out — and likely roughed-up by the bouncers if you really annoyed the bartender.

– Don’t try to chit-chat with the bartender unless the bar is dead, and even then, you shouldn’t unless they keep talking to you. Bartenders generally don’t care about what you have to say, unless they are bored or attracted to you, and they don’t have the time if the bar is busy.

– Don’t order complex drinks at a busy bar. If you really want the “fuzzy pink squirrel with a twist” drink you found online, go to a bar without a lot of patrons at the time.

– Don’t insult the locals; at least not within earshot of them — unless you are looking for a fight.

– Guys, follow the urinal rules: Do not take the urinal between two in use; it is weird. Do not directly speak to any other guy peeing apart from the “What’s up” or “Hey” greetings.

– Girls, check the bottom of your shoes when you leave the bathroom. You look ridiculous when you walk out with toilet paper stuck to your foot, and at that point, everyone is required to point and laugh at you.

– Oh, and the last bit of advice: Don’t do a No. 2 at the bar. Go home, go to a gas station, just don’t at the bar. The seats probably have vomit or urine on them, there probably isn’t toilet paper and the bar staff does not want to deal with the mess when you are too drunk to remember to flush.