Well, another Valentine’s Day has come and gone. And, while some of you probably had the good fortune to spend that day with a special someone, many others were probably left wondering “What am I doing wrong?” Well, if that’s you, then today’s your lucky day because I, Blake Hasenmiller, ladies man extraordinaire, is here to teach you all I know.

Now, you might be thinking, “Why should I listen to you? What makes you such an expert?” Well, I, too, was once like you.

You may find this hard to believe, but believe it you must. For just a matter of days ago I was a nobody in the eyes of women everywhere. But over the course of a week, I underwent an extraordinary transformation in preparation for this column. So I invite you to join me now as we proceed to journey through the steps I took to become the breathtaking slice of sexiness that I am today.

Blake Hasenmiller is a senior in industrial engineering and economics from DeWitt.

To help me along I asked my friends, through Facebook and text messages, to give me advice on what they thought would make me absolutely irresistible to the ladies, and they were more than willing to offer their assistance.

They said I should be confident, manly, brave, sweet, sensitive, thoughtful, polite and considerate, and that I should have nice eyes, impressive muscles, good hygiene, nice teeth, fresh breath and a cute butt.

However, these were all qualities which I already possessed, so I knew that there had to be more to it. Luckily, there were more suggestions yet.

For example, it was suggested that I start wearing some cologne since the girls are always all over those guys in the commercials. Unfortunately, it wasn’t really like that when I tried it out.

As attracted to me as all of the females around campus must have been, it seems that they were just too nervous and intoxicated by my scent to show it.

I was also told that it would help if I learned to play the guitar. Lucky for me, I briefly tried doing this a few years back and subsequently had a guitar ready to go in my apartment. Unfortunately, I’ve forgotten most everything I knew and had to start back at the beginning, which, as anyone who’s ever learned to play a musical instrument knows, is with “Hot Cross Buns.”

So I played “Hot Cross Buns” in about six different keys, then managed to pull five different chords out of the back of my head and figured that was good enough.

Though I haven’t found an opportunity to test my newfound guitar-playing skills yet, I’m confident that all you lovely ladies will be utterly enthralled when you finally get the chance to hear me play my tunes.

A friend also suggested that I get a puppy to help steer all the women in my direction. But since I have no puppy, nor do I have any friends who have a puppy, I was out of luck with this one. I do, however, have a wonderful business idea for anyone willing to take it up. Someone needs to open a store where guys can rent puppies for this specific purpose.

It was also suggested that I could use a baby in the same way. This would make a great business idea, too, as it could double as a day care.

The last suggestion was that I use the “wink-and-point.” Having no formal instruction in this, I was forced to practice in the mirror for a while so as to perfect my technique. This didn’t take long; turns out I’m kind of a natural.

While I have not actually used this on any unsuspecting females yet, by the end of my time in front of the mirror I was practically turning myself on. So if I did try it, they would undoubtedly be overcome with intense longing.

And so, one week later, here I am – a changed man. Guys, I hope you appreciate the wealth of knowledge I just shared with you. After all, it’s not everyone who’s this generous.

And girls, if you happen to see some new guy walking around campus that you’ve never noticed before and find yourself stopping to catch your breath, thinking, “Who’s that stud-muffin?” well, don’t you worry.

It’s probably just me.