Mending a broken heart is hard to do

Stefanie Buhrman

You stare. Did those words just come out of their mouth? Thoughts start rushing through your head. You feel hurt and angry, and you cannot comprehend the situation around you.

You’ve just been broken up with and given a handful of grief. Don’t worry, you new single – there are good ways to cope.

“The most basic thing you can do is breathe,” said Marty Martinez, staff psychologist at Student Counseling Services.

“Be more intentional about grounding your breath. It’s good for your body, your heart, your pulse and your well-being. Then, hopefully, it’s a domino effect of things you can do.”

The most common feelings during a break-up are lack of control, spinning minds and hopelessness.

“It’s hard to concentrate or do multiple things,” Martinez said. “Put energy into studying – things that are productive. When you start to feel a loss of control, it’s healthy to do something that gives you that sense of ‘I did it.'”

Martinez said to enjoy the little things such as walking, biking or just listening to music. You might even take a small break.

“Usually I end up going to my room, going somewhere where no one will bug me,” said Jeff Kramer, sophomore in computer engineering.

“I tend to reflect on what went wrong and why things went the way they did. Then I figure out what I can learn from the relationship to better myself and not make the same mistake next time.”

Whether someone was the subject of a break-up or did the breaking up, the situation can convey a variety of feelings. When being broken up with, people can feel like things were their fault.

“If someone breaks up with me, they were the ones who weren’t satisfied with whatever we had,” Kramer said.

However, that is not the case. Martinez said wisdom can be gleaned from a break-up and that, sometimes, it might be for the best.

“The key thing is to not increase the sense of loss of control,” Martinez said. “Hold it to that one small container of H„agen-Dazs. Use good boundaries.”

Staying away from hazardous environments can help cope with a break-up – that could include seeing your ex.

“Just avoid, avoid, avoid,” said Sarah Hilz, sophomore in biology. “Stay away. It’s awkward seeing people just after you break up with them. I feel like if I ignore it, it’s not as big of a problem. Then everyone can just have their space.”

While Hilz stays away from her exes in a physical sense, she avoids them in a virtual one as well.

“Sometimes I delete pictures [of them] on Facebook, and I unfriend them,” Hilz said.

“If I am not friends with them on Facebook, I don’t see their relationship status change. Then If I delete picturesI don’t have to look at them. It’s a part of the avoid thing. I also eat some candy when I break up with someone.”

Eating sweets can be okay when dealing with a break-up, but Martinez said to keep one important rule in mind.

“Don’t do things that are impulsive,” Martinez said.

That includes going out to the bars.

“If you go out, tell yourself only one drink, two at the most,” Martinez said. “Tell a good friend.”

Martinez said another good break-up tip was not going home with a stranger or even a good friend for a hook-up.

“Don’t overanalyze,” Martinez said. “You’re not in the best position. You’re hurting. Don’t let your mind go to that place of hopelessness.”

In order to avoid that hopelessness and helplessness, Martinez said to take some time to think it out.

“Do sleep on it,” Martinez said. “Before you do anything big, talk to someone you trust and sleep on it.”

So hold off on ripping up those pictures, burning his sweatshirt or dating her best friend until you’ve taken the chance to take a nap.

“Don’t expect your feelings to go away right away,” Martinez said.

The pain of breaking up is a healing process that takes time, and each action is an important one.

“Make good decisions,” Martinez said. “The next thing you can do can be the road back to control, stability and happiness.”