Veishea says these student comedians are funny

Stefanie Buhrman

The Maintenance Shop was packed with people waiting for laughs from ISU students at Tuesday night’s “Veishea Says I’m Funny.” Two-time winner Rocky Duncan served as emcee for the 18 student performers.

Andrew Hilbrands, senior in communication studies

Using the topics of love, sex, video games and even a few Disney jokes, Hilbrands received many laughs from the audience.

After bursting out into the song “Circle of Life” from “The Lion King,” Hillbrands discussed what he thought his honeymoon would be like.

“Mufasa is here! I’m going to pin you, and I’m going to pin you again. I just can’t wait to be king.”

Then, after lasting about a minute with his new bride, he said he suspected his wife would give him a disappointed look, and he will respond with a simple “Hakuna Matata.”

Moving on to dating, Hilbrands proclaimed it is “a billion times easier to play a video game” than it is to ever date any woman.

“You can’t unplug a woman,” he said.

Megan Jo Meyers (third place), junior in early childhood education

“I don’t think I am funny. I just really like tequila shots,” Meyers said as she started her routine.

She discussed talking to her family and helping her “GamGam” get out of the bathtub.

“I was helping her, trying to get her out … and she says ‘dry my arms’ … ‘dry my fuzzy.’ What do you do when your grandma calls your … [gestures between legs] … a fuzzy wuzzy?”

Meyers alsodiscussed her love of jokes.

She told her favorite joke about two guys at an airport, both with black eyes. The first guy got a black eye from an airline employee when he accidentally called Pittsburgh “Titsburgh.”

The other guy, she said, had a similar story.

“So how’d did you get your black eye? Well, you know, same thing. This morning instead of asking my wife ‘Honey, will you please pass the Wheaties?’ I said, ‘Bitch, you ruined my fucking life.'”

Brent Behrens (second place), senior in speech communication

Behrens’ routine focused on the everyday matters of life, especially his dislike for public restrooms.

“I’ll be sitting there … I’ll have to put my paper linen on … I’ll move – and all of sudden – whoosh! Hey, I wasn’t done. Yeah, the TP says I wasn’t done. It sucks my paper linen in, and I’ve got herpes,” he said.

He also talked about his love for his family and how he shows he cares by being mean.

“My family is very unique. We don’t say ‘I love you’ to each other. The way we show support for each other is we make fun of each other. If I give you the worst time in the world and I make you cry, I care for you. I really do,” he said.

Behrens described a scenario that could occur with his sister.

“So I might be like ‘Hey sis, it might be time you get that upper lip waxed, huh?’ She is going be mad first and irritated, but she really thinks ‘my brother cares about me – he doesn’t want me walking around with a Geraldo on my face,'” he joked.

Don Watts (first place), sophomore in performing arts

Starting off with his discussion of how he didn’t like babies, Watts says “If you’ve seen one cute baby, you’ve seen them all. When a baby is born, it’s okay to ask how many fingers and toes it has – it’s not okay to ask how many sets of genitals is has, which I think is pretty important.”

Watts said if his baby is born with that type of problem, it’s cause for celebration.

“If I have a baby boy, and he is born with two penises, I am giving someone a high five – and it will probably be the doctor, because he knows he will be on TV.”

Watts later talked about how disappointed he would be if he were a “sexual deviant who had a thing for mascots” in reference to CyRide.

“I waited for two hours! Cy never came! Guess who else didn’t! People came up to me and gave me funny looks. Yeah, I’ve got my pants down. I’m ready to go. Stand behind me. I’ve got firsties!” he said.

He talked about the reactions of passersby.

“Are you taking the brown route? You know, I don’t know.”