I have been absolutely amazed at the United States in the last several months. I am really convinced we have outdone ourselves again.

We have managed to alienate, estrange and extricate ourselves from virtually all of our international friendships and make most of the rest of the world pretty fed up with us in the process.

That really takes some talent.

At first, I did not keep track of what seemed to be the average number of U.S. foreign policy gaffes.

However, reading headlines from international press sources, I started to get this vibe. The countries who are card-carrying members of the United States of America Fan Club are an endangered species.

OK, so we sink a Japanese fishing boat and tragically kill Japanese high school students. That’s bad for our relationship.

Then we have this mutual expulsion of 50 diplomats in our latest dealings with Russia. Interesting. So we have ignored Putin’s KBG-esque style of running the world’s largest country and also blown off the fact that they still have nukes. Great.

Then, in an about-face from our previous position on Israel and Palestine, we’ve said, “Look, we know that you have this complex conflict that stems from hundreds of years of struggle. We empathize with this. We’ll even send you aid to blow one another up. Just don’t expect us to have any involvement in anything remotely resembling peace talks. Good luck.”

In regard to Africa, I’m willing to bet that very few members of government could locate Malawi on the map, much less do anything to remediate our ostensibly non-existent foreign policy for Africa.

China – a nation with whom we have, at best, a tenuous relationship – is less than thrilled to share the same planet.

Something about one of our spy planes colliding with one of their jets in their airspace. I’m sure the “Oops” excuse we handed them when we accidentally bombed their embassy in Belgrade a few years back will not work this time.

But Europe is still willing to pal around with us, right?

Wrong.

The European Union is strongly expressing its frustration with the United States after our venerable head of state announced that we would not ratify the Kyoto Treaty over his dead body or something of that essence.

The Kyoto Protocol is a global treaty that over 100 nations, including the United States, signed in 1997. Kyoto calls for a world-wide reduction of carbon dioxide emissions. Carbon dioxide is one of the greenhouse gases, and one of the culprits for global climate change.

But the United States has dragged its feet, saying that developing nations such as Pakistan should have to cut their emissions to the same degree that we do.

Pakistan is not responsible for nearly half the world’s carbon dioxide emissions, but we are.

Other nations, such as Germany, have ratified the protocol and managed to see a reduction in their carbon dioxide emissions by making industry and transportation systems more efficient.

If the United States does not comply with Kyoto, we will only be antagonizing the efforts of the rest of the world to seek international cooperation in the arena of global climate change.

The European media has been using harsh language to criticize the U.S. stance on Kyoto; one German newspaper even called America a bully.

With that sort of rhetoric flying around, I’m sure that we are out of the running for International Miss Congeniality.

Within our own hemisphere, we have given Mexico the shaft with NAFTA and have stepped up border patrol, increasing the danger for workers coming across. However, President Bush has unfurled his secret weapon for dealing with Mexico: Jesse Helms.

That’s right, Jesse “I’ll get us out of the United Nations if it kills me” Helms. Great.

I’m compiling a list of possible countries for the United States not only to warm up to, but that we haven’t managed to annoy yet.

1. Iceland. Aloof on their geothermal island in the North Atlantic, the citizens of Iceland do not have any quarrels with the U.S.

Wait a second. Iceland is a geneticist’s dream. It has an isolated population and meticulous pedigree records.

And if we give the green light to patenting genetic material . a few enterprising geneticists could have the rights to Iceland. Scratch that from the list.

2. Vanatu. Here’s another tiny island nation, but it’s in the South Pacific. I’m guessing that the reason we haven’t tangled with Vanatu yet is because we can’t locate it.

However, if sea levels rise as a result of global climate change, no one else will be able to locate Vanatu either. And considering our unequivocal support of global climate change . I guess Vanatu is out.

I guess that does it for the list. Everyone else is mad at us.

While it may be somewhat appropriate and relatively amusing to point fingers at our current administration, I believe that our current foreign relations impasse is symptomatic of a larger phenomenon in American culture.

We’ve got this notion that not only are we better than everyone else, but they need us and we certainly don’t need them. This attitude permeates our educational system, as we fail to emphasize geography and foreign languages as essential tools for future leaders.

Our attitude is evident when we travel, in our cavalier proclamations that “No one would dare touch us. We’re Americans.”

There is a fine line between patriotism and ignorance of everyone else. It’s up to us to walk the line and not be complacent when our government fails to do so.

Rachel Faber is a senior in agronomy from Emmetsburg.