An ISU survival guide

Kyle Moss

Now that everyone is settled in and recovering from the ass-kicking they received during the first week of school, I wanted to give all the freshmen and newcomers a rundown of how to survive at Iowa State. Someone did this for me my freshman year, and it made things run much more smoothly. I felt like I had been going here for years once I learned the ways of the Iowa Stater. If you’re reading this, you’re already headed in the right direction. Always read the Daily, especially the A & E section – it will be your guide to entertainment in Ames (shameless plug). One of the most important things you need to remember is not to get into the habit of driving to class and finding what you think is the parking space that will never get ticketed, because you will get screwed. Someday your special space will be taken, and you’ll have to park somewhere else. Those $12 and $15 tickets add up quicker than you think. In my two years and one summer here, I have spent well over $500 on DPS parking tickets. I’ve had my car towed once and almost had it towed three other times. It is also important to note that the weekend always starts Thursday night, no matter what. You can still go to class Friday, but if you’re not tired or hungover, you’re doing something wrong. Once you reach that magical age of 21, the weekend will often start on Wednesday nights – almost every bar has a mug night, something that is pretty hard to pass up. Don’t protest dry Veishea if you didn’t even go here when it wasn’t dry. There’s nothing more annoying than a mob of freshman and sophomores protesting that they can’t drink at Veishea. Most of you are underage, so a wet Veishea wouldn’t make much of a difference anyway. You probably already know Ames doesn’t have the WB network yet, which means no “Dawson’s Creek.” But don’t panic – the FX network shows old “Beverly Hills: 90210” episodes about six hours a day, filling the cheesy teen television void. It’s also OK to watch the “Real World” and “TRL,” even if you hate boy bands. Just don’t brag that you’re a Carson Daly fan. If you have someone spend the night, it’s called having a shacker. There’s nothing wrong with having a shacker, even if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend back home or at another school. You may even find you can get into a little shacker competition with your neighbors and roommates. Many churches offer services on Sunday nights. This is something you should definitely take advantage of if you enjoy going to church but have trouble getting up in the morning. The best late-night food (some will call it drunk food) is Pokey Sticks. I guess any pizza product will do, but the Gumby’s specialty is cheap, filling and will help you achieve that freshman 15 you keep hearing so much about. There is nothing wrong with a freshman 15, or in my case, a sophomore 60. It happens to almost everybody. Just remember to use the Lied Rec center – that’s why they built the damn thing. If you have your eye on a freshman or sophomore sorority girl, don’t even try unless you’re in a fraternity. Sorority girls won’t start dating outside the greek system until their junior or senior year. And if you think you’re taking a blow-off class and you’ll be fine if you only go once a week, you’re wrong. There is no such thing as a blow-off class. Unless, of course, you enjoy being on academic probation. I hope these helpful hints were beneficial to you young people as you begin your lives at Iowa State. Above all, just remember to read the Daily.