Britney Spears imposters beware

Kyle Moss

Every time you turn on the television, radio or rummage through some magazines while in line at the grocery store, there is a darn good chance you’ll see or hear of Britney Spears, the hot teen pop sensation that has become the queen of “Total Request Live.”

Her latest public appearances have caused controversy due to her suggestive and revealing outfits.

Most notable was the American Music Awards, where it looked like all that covered her up was a scarf around her neck and down the front of her body. I was so repulsed; I turned the channel right away.

Anyway, there have been some public appearances made by Britney in Ames this year that people might not know about.

Well maybe it’s not really her, but damn, there is a girl that frequents the bar scene that could get up on a stage and fool everyone.

After repeated nights of stumbling towards the look-alike, calling her Britney, I was fortunate enough to spend a quality hour with her.

It was the night before a good friend of mine was supposed to graduate college, we’ll call him Rob, and we decided on one last night on the town together before he left.

So after countless bar stops, we ended up at People’s, only to stagger in and see Britney standing across the room. With her tight, stomach-revealing shirt, she resembled the pop sensation more than she ever had before.

With no delay, we approached her with our usual “Hey Britney, how are ya? What brings you to Iowa? You drive me crazy!” You know, all the clever lines that no one else can think of I’m sure.

She was messing around with a pool table, holding two cues in front of her and moving the ends back and forth, trying to get the cue ball up the slope.

She was pretty good at it, but it looked like a fairly easy game. So Rob somehow got into a bet with her that he could move the ball up the cues in three tries.

But instead of money or drinks, Rob’s great idea was to bet an article of clothing, as if she would take off her shirt in the middle of the bar or something.

So she went first and moved the ball up on her second try. Rob tried seven or eight times, only to get the ball barely half-way up.

He lost the bet.

For some dumb reason, he had agreed to lose his pants as his end of the deal — and she was going to make sure he paid up.

Of course Rob tried to get out of it, but he quickly realized this girl was dead serious, and if he didn’t take off his pants, Britney was going to get very mad.

And we didn’t want to make Britney mad.

With the help of causing a scene, Rob took of his shoes, and pulled down his pants. Luckily, his plaid Structure boxers kept him looking OK. But Britney grabbed his pants, said that he had to walk home half-naked, and out the door she ran.

Since Rob wasn’t about to hit Welch in his undies, it was my job to chase her down and get his pants back.

Unfortunately, Britney had a strong grip and wouldn’t let go. But I was able to keep her from getting more than a block away.

Rob finally came out to retrieve his pants and began walking up the street. With sympathy for my friend, I took off the one-of-a-kind Mr. Plow coat I was wearing and gave it to him to cover up his legs.

After fifteen minutes of arguing and tugging, she finally let go of the pants, and Rob was happy.

But Britney was pissed that he wouldn’t hold to his end of the bet and she stormed away.

We began walking home when I realized my Plow coat was nowhere to be found. Rob said one her friends was holding it while he put his pants on.

I ran ahead to Britney and her friends, but they were still upset about the bet and claimed to not have it. Instead they yelled at me for accusing them.

We walked home, Rob with his pants, and me in a T-shirt. But I’m almost positive they took my coat and it still makes me angry to this day.

So if you’re ever out on the town, and you think you see Britney Spears wearing a Mr. Plow coat, get it from her and return it to me at the Daily.

Make sure you don’t make any bets with her, and most importantly, take a good look at her, ’cause she’s hot!


Kyle Moss is a sophomore in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.