Graduation agenda

Corey Moss

Coming down the home stretch. Counting down the minutes. Warming up the bus. Packing up my bags.

Pick your clich‚, that’s me.

In a few weeks, my college existence will be as finished as Vanilla Ice’s career.

But I’m not laying down to rest. I have an agenda — a list of things every proud Iowa State student should accomplish before leaving this fine community.

Grab your pen and start checking. I will be.

1. Take a genuine CyRide.

In four and a half years, I have never once ridden CyRide. But why start small?

The Drunk Bus is not just for transportation anymore. Bring a blanket and a few 40s, and spend the night.

2. Indulge in a Ding Dong.

Next time you walk into Ruttles, study the plaque in the foyer, and you’ll see COREY MOSS not once, but twice.

For nine bucks, the ’50s diner serves a 10-scoop, two-topping, brownie and banana sundae that — if devoured in one sitting — garners an award certificate and name on a plaque.

I haven’t done this since high school, but my big bro did it the night before his graduation ceremony and every true graduate should do the same.

3. Indulge in an El Gordo.

You don’t get your name on a plaque, but you should. Panchero’s two-pound burrito is a benchmark of virility.

If you pass, you get heartburn and a severe case of flatulence. But at 2 a.m. — the only time to eat an El Gordo — who cares?

4. Join People’s Beer Club.

A man’s version of The Century Club, People’s Bar and Grill will put your name on their coveted plaque once you drink all 100 of their beers.

According to myth, a handful of men have done it in a week.

They still made graduation.

5. Get some campanile lovin’.

Most college men only last 12 seconds anyway, so why not go for the gold some evening on Central Campus? Kissing is for non-Ding Dongers.

6. Pull a “What’s My Age Again?”

Nude sorority circle relays shouldn’t be just for hazed frat guys.

Streaking should be as much a part of college as studying. What will we really remember 10 years from now?

If you’re shy, wear a sock.

7. Finish a Daily crossword.

Come on, I know you don’t really pick up the Daily for the articles. But if you’re going to diss us like that, at least complete the damn puzzle.

Oh, and here’s a side note: The horoscopes you read before you start the crossword, they’re a scam. A 10 doesn’t mean dick.

8. Take a final exam drunk.

This is the one I am most anxious about. I may even take the drunk bus to my class.

And the coffee mug I occasionally sip from, good morning, Goldschlager!

Imagine the feeling of freedom you’ll get turning in that test.

9. Eat Tip Top chili.

Only college students are dumb enough to eat chili at 7 a.m.

And we’ve been this way a for awhile, as managers at the Lincoln Way bar say they don’t remember a time when this wasn’t a tailgating ritual for Cyclone fans.

10. Swim a lap in Lake Laverne.

I’ve heard they used to call the pond Lake Latrine because it smelled so raunchy.

Some of us may remember when it turned green for a few days or when someone rolled his or her car into it.

Either way, Lake Laverne is a symbol of ISU, and swimming in it is like a baptism into the real world.

Without it, we are nothing but clean, starving, sober college virgins.


Corey Moss is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.