Alien defecation

Greg Jerrett

Disney’s latest release can only be described by the invention of a new word. And that word is “craptastic.”

That’s right.

It’s like they don’t even try any more. Either they are producing animated epics that take nigh on five years to create and involve the retelling or “Disney-fication” of other culture’s stories, or they are cranking out live action farces featuring mildly amusing, safe comedians to dull the senses.

Disney has found a new sub-category of live action films to exploit: the relatively unexplored region of classic TV remakes.

“My Favorite Martian” retells the story of the ’60s sitcom about a Martian in human form living with a human and getting into mischief. There really is no plot per se, just a situation to play off of.

Christopher Lloyd (“Back to the Future,” “Angels in the Outfield”) plays Uncle Martin, a Martian who crash lands after the first West Coast space shuttle launch.

He is soon discovered by Tim O’Hara, played by Jeff Daniels (“Something Wild,” “Arachniphobia”), an unemployed television producer who decides to document Uncle Martin’s plight for his own benefit.

During the course of the mayhem, Tim goes all mushy over Uncle Martin and decides he couldn’t exploit him even if he isn’t human, but then it is almost too late. The government is closing in just in time for the hilarity to ensue.

This movie could not be seriously referred to as a film unless one meant the scum that is left on the sides of a drained bathtub after a hard day of working in the field.

It is more an excuse to show off special effects and computer animation than it is a movie about anything in particular.

Lloyd and Daniels are only in this film because movies need people for the special effects to make any kind of sense. Lloyd gets more mileage out of that bug-eyed shtick he does than Don Knots ever dreamt of. But when all is said and done, he is just there so the tongue f/x are actually coming out of mouth.

Daniels has seen better days as well. He would have to spend the next three years in an independent film rehab center to get the stink of this putrid waste of celluloid off him.

The biggest problem with these two is that they are supposed to be emotionally invested in one another, but there is absolutely no time spent on character development, unless you count “witty” repartee between a Martian and his spacesuit as such.

Wallace Shawn plays a government agent, and this guy is always a delight. Ever since “My Dinner with Andre” and “The Princess Bride,” all one needs to do is look at this guy to start laughing.

Ray Walston, who played Uncle Martin in the original series, plays the mysterious sidekick who makes a not-so-surprising revelation at the end of the film. He is all class, but this is still a hackneyed device.

The kids will like “My Favorite Martian,” though. It isn’t too taxing to the attention span, that’s for sure.

This film is more about marketing than film. “How many suckers can we attract to theaters to see how we fiddled with their old favorite TV show?”

“How many kids can we get to force their parents to drag them to this on the basis that it has lots of shiny objects to stare at and cheap belly laughs?”

Oh, for the days of “The Apple Dumpling Gang” and “The Black Hole.” I never thought I would say THAT!

Thank you, Walt Disney, for once again showing us how far down the human race can descend for a buck. What is next on the agenda? A musical version of “Bonanza” with Jim Varney as Ben Cartwright?

If you want special effects with a modicum of plot, go rent “Men in Black.” But avoid “My Favorite Martian” unless you need a cheap alternative to a lobotomy.

1 star out of five


Greg Jerrett is a graduate student in English from Council Bluffs.