Good news, good news! That’s right; I’m talking about positive happenings in our world. No references to scandals, war or El Ni¤o appear in this column. I’m talking about success! Joy! Happiness beyond your wildest dreams!

Specifically, I’m talking about one gray, size large intramural CHAMPION T-shirt. Yes, after a mere 30 or more attempts at glory, my team won the big prize. Boy, was I excited.

Sure, all of you who have I-M T-shirts coming out of your ears probably think I’m some poor, pathetic loser. You’ve got so many championship T-shirts, you use old ones to clean up after spills. You give them away as Christmas presents to your little brothers and sisters. Well, not all of us are that fortunate.

Year after year, we losers fall in the finals of tournament after tournament. We lose by two points in overtime. Our games are scheduled at times when our teams can’t play, and the opposing teams refuse to play at different times, so we lose. But we are not bitter.

Finally, for some of us, the day arrives when we win our T-shirts, and we fall to the ground crying in disbelief. Well, maybe we don’t cry, but we probably should because it’s obviously some kind of miracle.

Isn’t it inspiring? I thought so. To think that after all those losses, after all that disappointment and despair, an athlete could come back and win gives me little tingling sensations. Oh, I guess my foot was just asleep. But it’s still fun and exciting.

I knew my readers would be excited about my victory, so I sent out a press release outlining the sequence of events that fateful day. However, for some reason, I haven’t seen the story in print yet.

No one called for an interview, and no one contacted me with plans for a feature article. I don’t quite understand, but I suppose the newspapers just didn’t have room to print my story, what with all the other newsworthy events last week. Yes, I’m sure that was the problem.

Therefore, I decided to run a portion of the story in this column space, just for you, the loyal reader who simply wants to be informed. Here are the unadulterated facts:

“The Dweebs and the APE’s faced off in a women’s three on three loser’s bracket championship extravaganza Monday, Feb. 9, 1998, 6 p.m., at Beyer Hall Gymnasium.

“The gym was packed with well-wishers. The six women gave the spectators a lot to cheer about with a high-scoring game that went down to the wire. Player-coach Laura Steele led the APE’s in scoring, and Kim Wagner led the team in rebounds and steals. The Dweebs countered with a balanced attack, but the defensive brilliance of APE senior Catherine Conover proved too much for them.

“The APE’s ended up on top, 34-31, after a three-pointer by Steele in the waning seconds of the game. In post-game voting by the APE’s, the Dweebs were singled out as the team that displayed the best sportsmanship throughout the grueling, 4-game tournament. The columnist would like to extend a salute to both teams. Congratulations, women.”

I would like to hear more success stories of this nature, wouldn’t you? Why doesn’t the Daily cover intramural sports more diligently? Sure, sometimes we see the names of the overall winners in team wrestling or flag football, but do you ever know who won the loser’s bracket of class “D” badminton doubles? Do you ever get to read a profile of the players on the winning ultimate frisbee team, or pore over the matchups for the final in 6-player volleyball? I didn’t think so.

To let you know just how serious I am about the newsworthiness of such events, I’ve decided to devote some or all of my column space to your intramural excursions. Of course, intramurals aren’t just about winning, but let’s face the facts — we’d all be happier if we won once in a while. Maybe some interesting anecdotes would provide inspiration out on the playing field.

I’m going to need your help. If you know of an intramural success story, a particularly intense rivalry, or any other tasty I-M tidbits, e-mail me at [email protected]. I want to hear your good news.

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Catherine Conover is a senior in liberal studies from Mapleton.