Regaling tales of the modern myths

Erin Walter

You’re never going to believe what happened to this guy my aunt works with. He was driving along on the highway one day when he saw a limo on the side of the road. So he pulled over and asked the driver if he could help out. Well, I guess this guy my aunt knows is really good with cars or something, because he knew what was wrong with the limo and fixed it right up.

Anyway, the passenger asked for this guy’s address so he could send him a reward, but the guy said it wasn’t necessary (silly guy). After some convincing, the guy gave the limo rider his address so he could send a card or something. Then this guy my aunt knows was on his way. Later that week, this guy my aunt knows went to the bank to pay his mortgage payment, and the bank teller told him someone had paid the mortgage in full and left a note saying “Thanks, Donald Trump.”

What?!? You’ve heard the same story except it was Ted Turner in the limo? How can that be? And it was such a cool story, darn.

We’ve all heard one of these stories. They consist of an extraordinary occurrence involving someone famous and someone we have contact with — like our aunt’s co-worker, sister’s friend’s boyfriend or boss’s son’s band instructor’s wife. Sometimes these stories can involve a frightening event that someone we know saw on “the news.”

I don’t know what these stories are called. Webster defines a myth as “a traditional story of unknown authorship, ostensibly with a historical basis, but serving to explain some phenomenon of nature, the origin of man, or the customs, institutions, religions, rites, etc. of a people.” So I guess for this column, I’ll call these intriguing tales modern myths.

Modern myths can take many forms. There’s the myth that involves someone we know meeting someone famous in a non-traditional way. Like my roommate’s grandma’s hairstylist who was in a Las Vegas hotel and boarded an elevator inhabited by one short black man and two big black men. Then the short guy said, “hit floor,” and my roommate’s grandma’s hairstylist fell face down on the floor and began to offer her purse in exchange for her life.

The lady opened her eyes when she heard the three men laughing uncontrollably. This elderly cosmetologist cautiously picked herself up off the floor and stared at the men. The men apologized for their laughter and the short guy explained that he meant for her to hit the button that said “floor.” Later that day, my roommate’s grandma’s hairstylist received a huge bouquet of flowers with a card that said “Thanks for the laugh, Eddie Murphy.”

These myths can also be scary stories that are all the more scary because they happened to someone we know (sort of) or because we saw them on some news program.

Like the one about the college kid who blacked out after getting the date rape drug added to his drink. When he woke up in the morning he found himself in an unknown bathtub full of ice cubes with a note pinned to his shirt. The note said, “Call 911.” The kid looked down to discover someone had removed one of his kidneys. Seriously, it happened. My mom saw it on the news.

When we hear these modern myths we’re a little skeptical. The details are sketchy. The myth-teller is never exactly sure where the event occurred or whom it happened to. Not to mention, these events just seem too weird or too cool to actually have happened in real life. While we are suspicious of these stories, we proceed to pass them on to our friends and family. Why do we contribute to the transmission of these modern myths?

The reason is because telling stories is so fun. When you recount a modern myth, especially a cool or gory one, everyone is listening to you, waiting on your every word. I mean, you can pull one of these babies out at the bar, at a slumber party or in a classroom waiting for class to start. A modern myth never fails to impress, especially if you make it sound extra convincing.

Modern myths are also great pieces of American folklore. They let us fantasize that someday we could meet Eddie Murphy in an elevator, or that Donald Trump would pay our debts. As for the scary myths, they let us shiver just a little more than the average ghost story because they sound real. The next time someone you know tells you one of these sensational stories, just soak it all in and say, “Wow!” Then when you tell the story to someone else, don’t feel guilty. It’s not a lie. It’s folklore.


Erin Walter is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.