Hanspard?Hanspard???What???????????

Chad Calek
December 3, 1996

It was a bad day for me. A very bad day.

Troy Davis was denied the Doak Walker Award in the place of Byron Hanspard? How? Why? Who do I kill for this retarded decision?

Screw it is what I say. Who needs that freakin’ award anyway? I also say the same thing for the Heisman. Davis should just bow out of all the award ceremonies he has been nominated for on the grounds that the awards have nothing to do with personal achievements.

Here’s my advice to Troy Davis. Call a press conference and tell all the Doak Walker and Heisman voters of the world to smooch your Cyclone butt.

You don’t need awards. Your achievements stand alone, and everyone that has followed your short but illustrious career at ISU knows that you are, without a doubt, the greatest collegiate football player in this country.

What is all this “Danny Wuerffel should still win the Heisman” crap? The first time that Florida played a very credible opponent in Florida State, Wuerffel peed down his leg. 23 of 48 with three interceptions is poor. I don’t care how many yards he threw for. Of course he had a lot of yards. All Florida did was throw the ball the entire game!

And Lee Corso had the nerve to say that Wuerffel’s stats didn’t matter. He showed how tough he was and there wasn’t any reason he shouldn’t get the Heisman. Tough? Let’s see him carry the ball 51 times for well over 300 yards. Let’s see Wuerffel play the second toughest schedule in the nation.

I’m not saying that Wuerffel shouldn’t win the Heisman because Florida lost. I’m saying that he shouldn’t win the Heisman because he a weak-armed, poor decision- making, football-floating statistic hound who doesn’t even have a chance at the next level. That is final; no more discussion will be held on Wuerffel. I have once again spoken the truth.

Since I want nothing to do with these awards, I’ve decided to make my own awards. Here are the First Annual Calek College Football Universal Awards.

Best Collegiate Running Back in the Universe: Troy Davis, Iowa State.

Most Underrated Collegiate Football Player in the Universe: Troy Davis, Iowa State.

Best Collegiate Quarterback in the Universe: Peyton Manning, Tennessee.

Worst Collegiate Quarterback in the Universe: Scott Frost, Nebraska.

Most Overrated Collegiate Quarterback in the Universe: Danny Wuerffel, Florida.

Biggest Horse’s Ass in the Universe: Lee Corso, ESPN.

Most Threatening Defensive Collegiate Football Player in the Universe: Bill Ennis-Inge, Iowa (the name alone makes me cringe).

Best Collegiate place-holder in the Universe: Who gives a crap?

Best Special Teams Man in the Universe: Preston Rhamy, Iowa State.

Best Collegiate Football Post-Game Drunk and Sloppies in the Universe: Iowa State fans.

There you have it. Congrats to all recipients. You’ve all earned it. Until next time, have as much fun as the law allows.