I was going to wait to write this column until next week, but I decided to go all Johnny Carson and attempt to predict the future. Not that it’s all that difficult on this one, it’s kind of like “predicting” that your friend Bruce from high school is going to eventually be gay.

In other words, I’m not going to pretend that I don’t know what’s going to happen at this weekend’s Veishea celebration. To do so would be to admit that I have absolutely and utterly lost contact with the collective student mood here at the best land grant university in Ames. It would be like being the father of a high school slut refusing to allow himself to believe that his daughter just might be sexually active because her nickname is “sloppy.”

That’s right boys and girls, you heard it here first: Veishea will suck once again. Police officers will once again outnumber students on Welch Avenue. The student parking lots will be three-quarters empty again as most students head elsewhere for the weekend of the nation’s largest student-run celebration. Small children and old people will once again flood the campus, making it harder to see a student in the crowd than it is to find a white guy at the hub during lunch.

What do I base this on? The fact that everyone knows but won’t say. Seriously, think deep. Go beyond your political filter and past your optimism hang-ups. In the bottom of our hearts, I think we all see the writing on the wall. Veishea is a shell of what it once was, and it can never be restored to what it used to be.

Not that the university administration wants it restored to that state. The Veisheas of years past were drunken, late-night violent orgies that would have made the last days of the Roman Empire look like a teenage funeral. That might be a good recruiting point for a lot of prospective college students, but not the type of students that you put in brochures studying out in front of the campanile while having a picnic and playing Frisbee with their racially diverse friends. These are students we want here at ISU, not people that like the way Veishea used to be.

A lot of the students close to Veishea would probably disagree with the assertion that this weekend will be a big flop, but they also disagree that last Veishea was a big flop, so I think they have seriously damaged their credibility on the capacity to recognize big flops.

Veishea, as I said before, is a shell of what it once was. The protest last week by the guy dressed up like a beer can (I thought it was a classy move not to dress up like a knife or a riot) claimed that Veishea is no longer student-run.

Even I have to say that’s not true. There are 500 students who have worked hard for a year in a futile attempt to make Veishea great. They secured the entertainment, they organized the parade, they did the leg work. The only thing they didn’t do was make the big decisions like “no alcohol” and “guest registration” in the residence halls, which were handed down to them from above by the university administration. To tell them they didn’t do anything would be a big slap in the face.

Not that they don’t deserve to be slapped in the face. These people are so, so fooling themselves it’s almost hilarious. Maybe a slap in the face would re-connect them to reality.

But despite the fact that Veishea is still student-run, that doesn’t mean it’s all good. Veishea is nothing it is supposed to be. It’s not a recruiting tool. It’s not a celebration of the ISU family. It’s not even a celebration.

It’s just another Greek resum‚-builder that has no real connection with students. It’s like Homecoming with a bigger ego and a serious attitude problem.

So what am I saying? I am going to step out on a limb here and say that Veishea should be canceled.

No more parade, no more cherry pies, no more vacant streets filled with peace officers.

As embarrassing as Veishea was when we were tipping over cop cars and killing people, I think it is at least as embarrassing now. The sad but true fact is that the student body in general is never going to support a dry Veishea. Even years down the road when all of us are gone and there is a completely new assortment of kiss-ass types on the Veishea committees, the student body will not get behind it.

The issue isn’t even really the fact that students want to drink during Veishea. It’s a matter of why bother getting involved? Why should I make an attempt to make the weekend fun? Why don’t I just drive to Iowa City and do the same thing I do every weekend? Why should I care?

And that’s just it — as far as Veishea is concerned, I don’t think we should any more.

---

David Roepke is a sophomore in journalism and mass communications from Aurora. He’ll be wandering up and down Welch this weekend, so stop and talk to him because he’ll be bored.