The Man is everywhere and it’s kind of scary. You’re just living a normal college life and the next thing you know you’re bent over in pain. I’m not just talking about institutions here at the university.

You expect it when you pay your U-bill and they’ve screwed the whole thing up and converted your bill to rubles or something.

It is not surprising when the friendly folks at the bookstore won’t buy your $120 book back and then suggest you should have thought about that before you bought the thing.

It’s no shock to anyone when you get charged for a lock change on your dorm room when you haven’t even lost your keys. These things are to be expected.

The real freaky stuff is when the Man manifests in things beyond educational and governmental institutions. When he starts working in conjunction with private business, you know you better look out.

I witnessed a terrible incident of the Man working off campus just recently. It angered me and reinforced my intense hatred of the elusive Man.

Get to the point, you say? Just give me some time — I’ve got to set the stage.

One Thursday night about three weeks ago, I was hanging out with friends and we decided a late night snack would hit the spot.

Shirking possible treats such as cheesebread, pizza or subs, we elected to drive to Burger King as they were offering 99 cent double cheeseburgers.

Driving two cars, we headed over to the one on Lincoln Way. We parked in the little lot behind the BK and the Asylum and that computer place like we always do.

We ordered our food and were leaving when one of my friends came running in to get me.

He told me my car was getting towed. I didn’t believe him at first, but I soon realized he was telling the truth.

I ran out and saw a grizzled man smoking a cigarette just finishing putting jacks on my car. I shouted out to him, “Hey, you want me to move that?”

He said he would rather tow it. I was confused. Why wouldn’t he let me go? He hadn’t done anything he couldn’t reverse in 10 seconds, and there was no reason he had to tow my car. And since when was this a private lot?

I ran to check the entrance and, sure enough, there was a sign proclaiming that all trespassers would be towed. Too bad I had to wipe the snow off the sign to read it.

So I was apparently in the wrong. I was parking illegally, and no matter how much it sucks, I’ve got to pay the price. I attempt to talk to the man who has got my car on jacks about exactly what it will take to be able to just drive my car away and live happily ever after.

The very greasy man, an employee of Bud’s Service Center, tells me that it’s going to cost me $40 for them not to tow the car. I run over to Do-Biz and withdraw some cash.

I come back and approach a different representative of Bud’s and ask him if it’s OK to pay him.

He says sure, so we go back to his tow truck and he writes out a bill for $58.90. I was shocked, because the other guy said it would be $40.

I asked about the price difference, and emoting the least human kindness he could, this guy tells me I can either pay the $58.90 or he can tow it for $70.

I thought about paying the extra $10 just to get some actual work out of these guys, but decided against it.

I paid the greaseball, got in my car, swore heavily and drove away. I couldn’t believe a trip to get a burger just cost me $60.

I really felt like I was a victim of the Man. But maybe towing prices just really are that high. I’ve never been towed before, perhaps I just wasn’t aware of how lucrative a business towing was.

This ate at me for a few weeks, and I finally had to find out if I really had been bamboozled.

So I called up to the shop at Bud’s and asked them what it costs to have a car towed.

Wouldn’t you know it, standard prices for towing at Bud’s are $45 if they have to tow the car anywhere in Ames and $35 if they tow it back to their shop.

So what the hell happened to me? Do I just look like the type of guy that needs to be screwed over?

Well, I really don’t care why those blood-suckers at Bud’s decided to stick it to me.

All I ask is that they don’t stick it to you.

So if you find yourself on the side of the road needing a little assistance any time in the near future, I ask one thing of you. Do not call Bud’s Service Center.

I think the Man has a job as their customer service representative.

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David Roepke is a sophomore in journalism and mass communication from Aurora. He’s challenged the Man to Trivial Pursuit for control of the world.